The Review: The A Team (old review)

Okay, I did it. I finally saw the A-Team film. This was after weeks of saying fuck you to the director Joe Carnahan for even touching something that was so dear to me. I’m 31. I have sat by while watching my childhood memories be physically assaulted and stayed silent…kinda. If you listen to my podcast you know I’ve been bitching about remakes for quite some time (Transformers, the upcoming Smurfs).

To answer your question, yes, I was very drunk when I saw this film. Sorry. When I saw this movie. Rumble Fish, Apocalypse Now, and Goodfellas are films. This was a movie in every sense of the word. If you took your chick to see this she’d likely be very pissed because A Team is the definition of a guy flick. The credits don’t even end until almost twenty minutes into the damned thing!

It stars Liam Neeson as Col. John “Hannibal” Smith. Bradley Cooper as Lt. Templeton “Faceman” Peck. Sharlto Copley as Murdock. And Quinton “Rampage” Jackson as Cpl. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus. They are soldiers of fortune. Yeah, if you watched the damn TV show you know the back story. But this movie has a very different twist on it.

Brought together by coincidence or fate they band together to recover silver plating from Iraq that will be used to create U.S currency. Everything goes according to plan until they are set up for murder, tried, and convicted. Fast forward six months later they all spring out of jail (or an insane asylum for Murdock) and attempt to clear their names.

This movie is pretty much nonstop action. They don’t attempt to have deep underlying messages about crime and punishment. This is strictly about avenging a wrong that has been done to you and clearing your name. I hadn’t clapped during a film this much since I don’t know when. I miss movies like this. Just explosion after explosion. Running gags that will only make sense if you watched the series. And I got to see a grown ass man gorilla pressed. Yes, this made me happy.

Jessica Biel, who is responsible for the deaths of millions of babies into Kleenex and socks, is also in the movie as a love interest. Don’t be fooled though. There are no long, loving glances towards the camera. As soon as the movie slows down for a moment your nuts get pulled into your body by more explosions. Patrick Wilson plays a total asshole who you cant help but laugh at named Lynch. He plays this part so well you forget you’re supposed to hate his guts.

If you don’t want to see Twilight, The Karate Kid (where he does fucking kung fu!), of Shrek, check this out. If you go into understanding what the A-Team is all about, you will be happy. This film didn’t rape my childhood memories. It took it to therapy and told it to grow up.

Click here for previous The Review.