The Review: Cat People (1942)

 

Cat People 5/10

This movie was strange as hell. Like, 1942 strange. This is about this lady standing in a zoo drawing a panther and littering. Literally. She doesn't like what she draws and tosses the paper on the ground and starts again. This guy named Oliver sees her and starts talking to her because she cute because if she was an ugmo he would've been like “Stop littering, ya bum!” They start chatting and he ends up in her apartment that looks like someone just cleaned a haunted house. She says she is from Serbia and tells her a story about this king showing up and chasing all the witches and shit out of the village. Oliver is like “Yeah...okay” but she is dead ass serious. There is no real time frame given for this so their relationship moves in fast forward because the next thing you know he buys her a cat. Like, give me a plant. I don't want a whole new being to take care of without asking for it. It doesn't last because the cat wont go near her ass. They go to return it to the pet shop and all the animals start freaking out. There is a monkey there because...1942. They end up with a bird. That is very different than a cat.

Irena tells Oliver that she believes she comes from a line of cat people. He is like “Sure...” Next thing you know he asks her to marry him. Like, this woman cute and all but she is obviously unhinged. During a dinner celebrating their wedding this other woman comes over to her and calls her sister in Serbian. By the way, they have not kissed or boned down because she thinks if she kisses him she will transform and hurt him. Oliver tries to understand her but ends up having her go to a psychiatrist. He is like “You need to grow the fuck up and stop believing in fairy tales from childhood.” She stops going and Oliver tells his coworker Alice all his marriage troubles. This is a thing, by the way. Everyone I know that is/was married spills all your shit. Alice is like “Yeah, yeah yeah. I love you and I don't care if you know.” Irena spots the two of them together at dinner and is like “Oh, its on, bitch.”

Alice is walking to the bus late at night and something starts prowling her ass. The groundskeeper at the zoo later finds a bunch of dead sheep while Irena heads home wiping her mouth and takes a bath with a belly full of sheep. She has some crazy dream about a key and gets the key of the panther cage because the groundskeeper literally just leaves it in the cage for anyone to take. 1942, y'all. Oliver, Alice, and Irena go to a museum and they ignore Irena. Later when Alice goes swimming something is coming for her ass. She freaks out but its just Irena. Oh, and something ripped her robe to pieces. This woman a cat! Irena says she is better and Oliver is like “Too late. I love Alice and will give you a divorce. Byyyyye!” An animal stalks Oliver and Alice at their job and she later heads home where the psychiatrist is waiting and says he is not afraid and starts kissing Irena. Next thing you know he fighting a giant cat and gets fucked up. She ends up getting stabbed by his sword cane and heads to the zoo. She releases the panther and it knocks her ass over and gets hit by a car after 2.3 seconds of freedom. Irena is dead and they realize she was telling the truth.

This was not a terrible movie, just odd as hell. Like, other than how she looked I don't know why Oliver was so drawn to her. Not sure why Alice never told him how she felt before he got with Irena because he wasn't portrayed as having been in a relationship or anything. She just waited until he was taken to make a movie. Damn homewrecker. Don't know where the psychiatrist suddenly becoming a pervo came from either. Like, he was all professional and then wanted to jump her panther bones out of nowhere. This was on Max if you wanna watch it.

Simone Simon as Irena Dubrovna

Kent Smith as Oliver Reed

Tom Conway as Dr. Louis Judd

Jane Randolph as Alice Moore

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