The Review: It Welcome To Derry Episodes 5 & 6

It Welcome To Derry Episodes 5 & 6

Ooh, this one was a crazy one! Shaw finally tells Leroy what he plans on doing with the different pieces from where It landed that the Native Americans used to entrap him in the woods. He sends Leroy and a team to go into the sewers from that creepy ass house to go and do...something. Like I have said, this is a terrible plan. Meanwhile the natives are having a meeting talking about “Yep. Its about that time where this town loses its fucking mind.” Rose lets Shaw know this is a bad idea but this man is locked in on using Pennywise or whatever as a weapon of fear. Rose also gives her nephew a piece of the meteor as a weapon to use against Pennywise.

The Review: Talamasca

Talamasca 1/10

This is gonna have spoilers and not be that long. I will just go off the top of my head. This guy named Guy can hear folks thoughts but he hears them in the way anyone with this power in movies and TV shows does. Just cringing and never able to control it. Its annoying. He is about to start working at some law place when he is contacted by this woman named Helen and she says she works for a secret organization and can help him find his mother who left when he was a child. He goes to England and does menial uninteresting spy shit while working the door at a strip club. He meets two vampires which is by far the most intriguing parts of this show which is sad because their screen time equaled minutes in this six episode series.

The Review: Abandoned/Thanksgiving Roast/Finding Joy

Abandoned The Woman In The Decaying House DNF/10

This is the first of three things L and I watched This is a three part documentary about a podcast that uncovered this lady that went from Brazil, moved to DC with a maid, tortured her, and then ran away back to Brazil living in this formerly lavish home. We got to hear from her on the podcast as well as interviews with the servant. There was so much failure on too many people's parts and it got to the point where I started victim blaming. We didn't even bother to finish the last episode. I know I put DNF but this is a 2/10 for me personally.

The Review: IT Welcome To Derry Episodes 3 & 4

IT Welcome To Derry Episodes 3 & 4

Oh god this show gets more insane with each passing episode. Shaw, the military dude running everything, is shown as a child in Derry with his military father. He goes into the most not fun looking fun house ever created and eventually ends up seeing this bony old man with missing eyes. Shaw gets a slingshot from his dad and their car breaks down. He meets a young Native girl named Rose. They hang out and one day Shaw heads into the woods where he gets chased by the bone man but its really Pennywise chasing and about to kill him until Rose uses his slingshot to hurt him and they escape. After this she tells the story of the woods. She will regret this. As adults Shaw visits Rose who is working at a pawn shop and lies to her what all the digging the military is doing is really about.

The Review: A Newport Christmas

 

A Newport Christmas 8/10

This movie actually turned out to be good. This time of year we watch holiday films and they are either fine or horrible. This one I enjoyed because there were actual stakes. It is 1905 and this spinster named Ella Stewart Grafton from Newport is a nice ass lady living her single life and being nice to everyone. Her dad wants to marry her off to some guy she never met while she wants to start a charity for the less fortunate in town. Her dad is like “You too much like ya dead mama. Bump that. Your new husband coming soon.” Ella leaves to on her boat to do what rich independent women did and that is talk to the stars. She wishes for a true love and different life. Next thing you know a man is on the boat wondering how she got there and she gets scared and upset that he is on her boat. This guy is Nick. He cool. He look like the lovechild of Alec Baldwin and Brenden Frasier. Oh, and it is 2025.

The Review: Only Murders In The Building Season 5

Only Murders In The Building Season 5 (10/10)

Well, I was wrong. I was talking trash after finishing last season which I loved and saying that this was the final season and that I hoped that it wouldn't continue because there was no way that it could stay interesting with such a premise as murders happening just in the building. This season fucking ruled and by the end of it me and L. were excited that there would be one more. I have no idea how the writers of this show have managed to make now fifty episodes of a series continue to be interesting, funny, and surprisingly touching at various points.

Curtain Call: Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity 2/10

Last night my lady traversed rainy LA weather for this show. She had fought to get tickets with their website not working and even having to contact them over the phone like this was 2002 to get us some tickets. She finally did and boy that was a waste of time. Best part of the evening was getting some really good food at The Little Jewel of New Orleans. Seriously. Great food. Have to go back. Anyhoot, so we got in line for parking and had to go eight levels down before we found a spot. We get inside and the place is pretty crowded. We had seats further back but we were able to see the entire stage not that it mattered. I'll explain why later.

Curtain Call: Joe Turner's Come and Gone

Joe Turner's Come and Gone 10/10

On Sunday me and my lady were invited by my best friend to go see this play over at A Noise Within. My lady had never been to this location and I had been a few other times I think just for these August Wilson shows. This was by far my favorite one in terms of acting, music, sound design, humor, intensity, and feelings during and after the show. I have already discussed how I felt after seeing The Piano Lesson and some of the people that were in that were in this. I kept saying I am gonna be a snob because at this point I have seen shows with the same people as well as director. The director of this did that amazing Twilight: Los Angeles show.

This is set in the early 1900's at a boardinghouse run by Seth and his wife Bertha. People come and go while a few stay for years at a time paying $2 a week for lunch and dinner as well as a room. Damn, that sounds like such a good deal. The weird spiritual aspect is brought by Bynum (because now I know a variation of this guy is in every show) using pigeon blood for rituals. There is also Jeremy who was recently arrested for being drunk in public (saw him in Topdog/Underdog). This guy Rutherford shows up and he is known as a people finder. He also has Seth make him some dustpans. Bynum explains to him about a “shiny man” who told him the secret of life and how he has been searching for him once again. Rutherford is like “Sure...let you know if I see him.” Next Harold Loomis and his daughter Zonia show up.

Documentality: The Alabama Solution

Alabama Solution 9/10

This was a rough watch. The makers of this Andrew Jarecki and Charlotte Kaufman went to this prison called Easterling in Alabama back in 2019 and there was a festival and everything seemed all nice and cool. There is church shit, barbecue, and love music. Then this one prisoner points out that its all bullshit. Turns out he was incredibly right. Filmed over years prisoners use their cell phones to record and document everything that is going on. I am not gonna pretend to be shocked that they have access to cell phones because my lady has shown me full on Tik Tok videos from inmates.

The Review: IT Welcome To Derry Episodes 1 & 2

IT Welcome To Derry Episodes 1 & 2

This show crazy as hell. So far within the first two episodes its better than the movies were. I would say they have more time to flesh out the kid characters but...yeah. Not so fast. It starts in 1962 with this boy named Matty that snuck into a theater. He gets chased out and this girl who works there with her father doesn't rat him out. We find out more about her later. Matty escapes and starts hitching a ride. A family picks him up and seem nice. Like, way too nice even for the 60's. Its a mother, father, son, and daughter. The boy is spelling shit. The girl is being weird trying to make Matty smell her liver fingers. The mom starts calling the daughter a hussy. Its weird. Matty asks to get out the car and the mother goes into labor and gives birth to a damn bat baby that starts flying and screeching around the car! This is the last we see if Matty...alive.

The Review: Demascus

Demascus 10/10

This was an incredible series. I found out online a couple of months ago that this show existed that was gonna be on AMC and then dumped and Tubi picked it up. Me and my lady decided to check this series out and I was thoroughly invested in this. I was in such a hurry to finish that I accidentally skipped an episode. This takes place in 2023 and this guy Demascus who goes to a therapist named Dr. Bonnetville. He is trying to figure out who and what he is. She tells him to give this new virtual therapy device called D.I.R.T (Digital Immersive Reality Therapy). Using this he gets to go into his subconscious and experience other versions of reality featuring him and people he knows (or possibly don't really exist.

The Review: The Substance

The Substance 2/10

I watched this movie this past weekend. Its not for me. The older I get I realize that there are certain things that are not for my weird ass demographic. I'm an old Black dude that likes random, nerdy, dark, funny, strange shit. This movie felt like it was made for women or those that identify as women or to make men that don't understand how women are viewed in the world as they get older. It hit me over the head with a hammer with this. I get it. I know it. I don't understand it in the way a woman would because I'm not one. This is about an actress that just turned 50 named Elisabeth Sparkle. She gets into a car accident and is given information about this new drug that has a lot of rules. She takes it and a younger girl climbs out of her body, becomes a star, and breaks the rules because they each get a week in society and a week out. By the end of the movie she becomes a fucking monster that gets blown up. I was so glad when this movie ended. I liked the way it looked. Each scene went on minutes longer than it needed to. I couldn't believe how long they dragged on and was pissed when I saw how long this was. No need for me to watch this again or read more about it.

Demi Moore as Elisabeth Sparkle

Margaret Qualley as Sue

Dennis Quaid as Harvey

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Peacemaker Season 2

Peacemaker Season 2 (6/10)

Full disclosure: if this had ended with episode seven I would have given this a 9/10. The finale was so all over the place that it ruined what was a pretty good season if I don't stop and think about certain things. The story felt like it was rushed towards the end when they could have stayed in the multiverse portion for longer and examined that world more. Vigilante was the standout performer this season. Other just wore on me and what was once funny became annoying. Adebayo talked different than before. Not sure how to explain it but she sounded...off. This season had a couple of touching moments and genuine great acting on the part of Peacemaker but then it was like “Fuck that this is now a pilot for some other shit that's planned!” And the many music montages wore my ass out quick. I'm not clamoring for another season of this or wondering where it could go. There is a certain type of storytelling I think I am outgrowing and this fits into it (along with Gen-V which I won't bother even writing about). Not superhero stuff. Just certain types of superhero stuff.

John Cena as Chris Smith/Peacemaker

Danielle Brooks as Leota Adebayo

Freddie Stroma as Adrian Chase/Vigilante

Jennifer Holland as Emilia Harcourt

Steve Agee as John Economos

Frank Grillo as Rick Flag Sr.

Robert Patrick as Auggie Smith/Blue Dragon

David Denman as Keith Smith/Captain Triumph

Sol Rodríguez as Sasha Bordeaux

Tim Meadows as Langston Fleury

Nhut Le as Rip Jagger/Judomaster

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: The Other

The Other 1/10

“Robin and Daniel foster Kathelia who is mute with a dark past that haunts the family.” This is all the Wiki page for this raggedy ass movie says. I could barely even find any photos to use for this post. L. was looking through streaming services and we decided to check this nonsense out. This is about this little girl named Kathelia who gets adopted by this normal couple. Nothing weird or shady about them. She had witnessed something tragic happen to her family and doesn't talk. She gets to their house and just stares at them. I know she cant talk but you not gonna just stare at me all the damn time. By the way, since there is no description given I am going based on memory and shit will be out of order and forgotten. Its been like three days and my brain is already trying to flush this movie out my mind.

The Review: Ready or Not

Ready Or Not 8/10

This movie was crazy. L. and I are continuing watching spooky stuff this month and checked this out. Hulu should be ashamed of how bad their sound is sometimes. So this movie starts off with this guy running through a mansion screaming for help. He stumbles into these two little boys and one of them (Daniel) is like “He right here!” Guy ends up with arrows in him and dragged away. In present day Alex is set to marry Grace. Grace grew up in multiple homes as an foster child and really wants a family. Alex tries to talk her out of it saying his family is crazy and whatnot. He. Should. Have. Been. More. Specific.

The Review: Bring Her Back

Bring Her Back 8/10

This movie was so honked up. L suggested this after seeing the recommendation so we checked it out. Neither of us knew anything about it. No trailer or anything. From the image on HBO I thought it was an alien abduction film or something. Oh, that would have been so much easier to watch. They take you into space, shine lights on you, maybe play with ya bootyhole a little bit, and then drop you off back on Earth with a story no one will believe. This starts off with some grainy footage in Russian with a lot of children and adults being touched and god knows what in what appears to be a ceremony. Like, none of those looks okay so I knew we were in for some weird cult type shit.

The Review: M3GAN 2.0

M3GAN 2.0 (6/10)

Yesterday my lady and I watched M3GAN 2.0 (and like the last movie I will not keep writing her name like that). While I enjoyed it I liked the first movie a bit more. This one starts off with this lady assassin named AMELIA doing a mission and kicking all kinds of ass. When she gets to the part where she is going to rescue who she came for she kills him instead and goes rogue. The people controlling her are like “What the hell is going on?!” Great question. Meanwhile back at home Gemma, who created Megan, is giving talks about the dangers or technology for children and making a lot of good points. Cady seems to be adjusting well and studying computer science and taking self defense classes.

Sitting In The Aisle: Weapons

Weapons 9/10

This movie was crazy as hell! I had seen the trailer for this but thankfully avoided any spoilers for it which if you are reading this you have already seen it because this will for sure have spoilers. The way this story is told is through the point of view of multiple people. It gets to a certain point then stops and continues with someone else. The basic premise is that this 3rd grade teacher entire classroom full of students except for one boy don't show up for school one day. They all ran out of their homes at 2:17am and no one knows where they have gone. Shits spooky. The parents are saying that the teacher, Justine Gandy, knows something and are blaming her for the missing kids.

The Review: KPop Demon Hunters

KPop Demon Hunters 9/10

I had no right to enjoy this movie as much as I did. I had heard about it but knew nothing about it and decided to check it out last week. This movie has everything. Six eyed crows. Demons. Swords. Rapping. Singing. Cross-eyed blue tiger. So years ago demons were just all over the planet cutting up led by Gwi-Ma. Three women got together like “Fuck all this!” and sealed up all the demons with this magical barrier called Honmoon. For years this has been a thing and they hope to one day get it to the point its a Golden Honmoon which will lock the demons away forever. These three girls named Mira, Rumi, and Zoey are the current demon hunters as well as a group that is insanely popular called Huntr/x. Their guide is named Celine. She knows that secretly Rumi is part demon because her mama I guess just wanted to take a walk on the wild side. Zoey and Mira don't know she has any demon in her because if they did they would kill her.

The Review: Greenland

Greeenland 1/10

Gonna be a long one. This movie was dumb. My lady has been watching a lot of Naked & Afraid and apocalyptic movies so we watched this past weekend. This movie made me add the mother to a list of some of the worst mamas in film. Let me explain this because I am having a hard time staying on track with all the nonsense that was in this. This engineer named John pops over to his future ex wife, Allison's, house. She is working out and he startles her. We quickly learn that they have a son named Nathan that OF COURSE has fucking health issues. This has been a thing in movies for a while (to have a sick child) but now its done so that when people who have nothing to do with your personal issues gets killed its fine because its in the name of a sick child. He diabetic.

The Review: Wishmaster

Wishmaster 4/10

This movie was weird as hell and I am pretty sure I had seen it before but maybe in pieces. Back in the 1100s this djinn grants a wish from this emperor that was like “I wanna see wonders!” and the djinn was like “Bet” and started making people die in all kinda crazy ass ways. Just when a third wish to make it stop was about to be made the djinn got sucked into a ruby. Fast forward to the 90s and this statue containing the ruby is being transported. Drunk dude drops the statue killing someone and before this man's soul has even left his body this other worker steals the ruby that was embedded in the statue. This lady Alex and Josh have the gem examined after the dude who stole it sells it and it releases the djinn when it blows up. Josh is like “I don't wanna be in pain” so the djinn is like “Bet” and kills him.

The Review: Elevation

Elevation 3/10

This movie was butt. I randomly watched this with L. and I knew it would be bad just by the poster. That and the fact that the star of it did absolutely no interviews or anything about it. Just dropped that Captain America stinker and this movie was never brought up. This movie starts off three years after something called The Event. 95% of the human population was killed and people have to live above 8000 feet to be safe from these things called Reapers. Why don't the Reapers go above 8000 feet? I'm still not quite sure and neither is the movie. So this starts off with this kid named Hunter goofing around outside when he starts getting chased by something that sounds like dubstep. He makes it across this line and is out of danger. His father Will tells him that he needs to not do that and it is important for him to live. Meanwhile this seemingly crazy woman named Nina is firing shots with bullets fresh out the microwave at something repeatedly.

The Review: Death Of A Unicorn

Death Of A Unicorn 2/10

This movie was ass. I kept seeing an ad for it on my HBO and after looking through multiple streaming services and landed on this. Poster looked interesting and I didn't know anything about it so I checked it out. This father Elliot is driving with his daughter Ridley to meet with his boss in this fancy estate. Elliot's wife is dead. They seem to hem and haw about this so let me just point that out because in most films and TV shows the only reason a father is hanging with their daughter is cause the mama dead. So they driving and he is on the phone and blowing his nose and not paying attention as Ridley vapes sitting right next to him and they both lose service on their devices. He ends up hitting the hell out of a for real unicorn. Ridley touches the horn and has a whole out of body experience. She awakens when her father is bashing its head in. They arrive to meet Elliot's boss Odell, his wife Belinda, and his son Shepard. They are all rich folk stereotypes. Odell looks like he could die at any moment.

The Review: War Of The Worlds (2025)

War Of The Worlds -1/10

Oh, my god. I heard this movie was bad but didn't expect this level of bad. Miss Jackie made it 11 minutes. The poster is 95% of the movie. I slowly fast forwarded 20 minutes because it was just bad acting staring into the screen. This terrible father sits at work spying on people including his pregnant daughter and his son. When I say spying I mean he live tracks her and even hacker into her fridge to judge how she eats. She doesn't even invite him to her baby shower. He doesn't listen to shit his son says. A lady send shim some footage from all around the world showing weather than if I saw it in Africa my ass is worried in California. He like “I only watch people. Not the weather!” So his pregnant daughter who is a genius runs outside and stares at the aliens and gets a rod through her leg and has a baby. His son is a hacker he has been hunting and he found him using a program you can download for free to change your voice.

Sitting In The Aisle: The Fantastic Four First Steps

The Fantastic Four: First Steps 3/10

So I finally watched this. I was excited when I first watched the trailer but then Thunderbolts (which I watched and haven't written a review for because it would just be me hating for a paragraph) ruined my excitement. I don't have a lot to even say about this. I have seen every Fantastic Four movie and even made a post about who I would cast (click here for that). I didn't hate the Trank one as much as others because at least it was different but in hindsight my score for it is a bit higher than it should be. What I was hoping for was for this to be a fresh start in the MCU but then saw that they are being dragged into the current universe which for a while now has been rough as hell. From movies to series they have been pumping out more things I couldn't finish or plain disliked.

The Review: It Chapter 2

It Chapter 2 (3/10)

I absolutely loved the first It movie it seems. Looking back I don't remember liking it as much as I did. I also have vague memories of the mini series. My lady recently watched the old one. She didn't enjoy the newer one that much. We both watched this one together and...yeah. I don't even have all that much to really say about it. Mike calls everyone back because Pennywise is back and killing folk. Mike sounds like a damned lunatic most of the time, drugs his friend, lies to them all. He sounds like the worst. This movie was far too long feeling and we split it up into about three different watchings to get through it. The ending didn't even feel all that satisfying.

James McAvoy as William "Bill" Denbrough

Jessica Chastain as Beverly "Bev" Marsh

Bill Hader as Richard "Richie" Tozier

Isaiah Mustafa as Michael "Mike" Hanlon

Jay Ryan as Benjamin "Ben" Hanscom

James Ransone as Edward "Eddie" Kaspbrak

Andy Bean as Stanley "Stan" Uris

Bill Skarsgård as Pennywise the Dancing Clown

Click here for previous The Review.

Sitting In The Aisle: Superman

Superman 10/10

Spoilers. Finally! A good Superman movie! I have watched every Superman film. I made a list years ago of who I thought the best one was. I watched the cartoon in various forms ranging back to the damn 1940s. I am a huge Batman fan but have always hoped that a Superman movie would give me the feeling that the animated series in the 90s did. When I heard that James Gunn was writing and directing this I got happy and knew I had to see it in a theater because that man has the ability to make me give a damn about characters I didn't know existed or barely cared about. The fact that I liked Superman and Clark Kent equally was a fresh feeling. I sat in that theater feeling like a damn kid experiencing this character for the first time.

Curtain Call: Some Like It Hot

Some Like It Hot 6/10

Last week my lady and I went to see Some Like It Hot at The Pantage's Theater. I am not even gonna complain about how I couldn't understand about 60% of what was being sang by some of the performers because if you at the Pantage's at this point you accept the fact that they somehow have the worst sound system of any live theater I've been to. My lady got the tickets at a discount and the place wasn't packed. Also, the ushers were acting like workers at a polling place. I have seen the film version of this movie and liked it a lot and have seen it a few times as recently as last year so the story is fresh in my head. Well, nuts to that because this is very different than that version.

The Review: Love Hurts

Love Hurts 1/10

This movie was ass. I had heard of it and realized that I could just stream it so I did. Thankfully I wasn't expecting too much because I got even less than that. Guy named Marvin is a realtor and loving his life when suddenly this lady Rose he was once in love with comes back. He was supposed to have killed her for his brother Knuckles but let her live and now she wants her life back. Whatever the fuck that means. Different hitmen come after Marvin looking for Rose. They try to give the hitmen personalities which I blame Smokin' Aces for. The fight scenes go from “Oh, this is good” to “Okay, so now everyone is clumsy and can no longer fight. Got it.” This movie has some actual people that have made good movies and can act but there is only so much you can do with this trash ass story and writing. This reminded me of how everyone wants to be John Wick and Nobody but end up being Proud Mary, Atomic Blonde, and recently Novocaine. Just pure flash with no substance. Relationships feel forced. Music scenes jarring. Reactions ridiculous. Just...no.

Ke Huy Quan as Marvin Gable

Ariana DeBose as Rose Carlisle

Daniel Wu as Alvin "Knuckles" Gable

Marshawn Lynch as King

Mustafa Shakir as The Raven/Roger

Lio Tipton as Ashley

Rhys Darby as Kippy Betts

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Christmas In Carolina

Christmas In Carolina 0/10

I should give this a 1/10 because we laughed so hard at how badly this was made. I'm not even sure why we watched this. I think my lady wanted revenge for making her watch some movies she didn't like. This movie is about an unlikable woman that has a sister that says she should be dating. She meets with this guy and they have a raggedy ass date where she just gives him attitude. He likes her though. Why? Still not clear. So they go on another date where she gets mad because his phone range at the end and she made an effort to not be on hers. I'm still not sure what jobs either of them have but I guess they are successful at it. By the next time they meet he plans on proposing to her and his brother hates this and says that he did this last year and ruined Christmas for their mother. Misunderstandings happen but they all make up at the end and everyone lives happily ever after in what seems like weeks after meeting.

The Review: Opus

Opus 2/10

Yeah. Spoilers for a movie none of y'all will ever watch. My lady started watching this and suggested it to me out of curiosity. It was ass. It didn't get a 1 or 0 because I finished it and liked a couple of the songs. This is about a pop star from the 90s named Alfred Moretti coming out of retirement and people getting excited about it. This journalist Ariel gets an invite to the confusion of everyone at her job and her boss get invited along with some other people I don't care to discuss. They arrive on a plane and then take a bus to this compound. Its all weird and obviously a cult. Moretti has them all in rooms with a camera and someone who follows them around. He is hosting a dinner and Ariel stands there like an idiot as someone shaves her pubes because Moretti likes pubes a certain way.

The Review: Evil Season One

Evil Season One 7/10

A while back I started watching this series Evil after my friend suggested it and I checked out a couple of episodes before suggesting it to my lady. She started watching the show faster than me and I had to play catch up so we could watch together. This series is about a studying priest named David Acosta that checks out cases for the Catholic church seeing whether or not someone is for real possessed or just crazy. Dr. Kristen Bouchard is a psychologist that ends up working with David and balancing her insane ass life. Ben works with David and is skeptical as hell and helps with technical issues that comes up.

The Review: Kinky Boots

Kinky Boots 7/10

This past weekend my lady let me pick some movies to watch and thankfully they didn't stink. We started with Kinky Boots. I somehow had never seen this movie but have seen the live stage show multiple times and wanna see it again. I will admit it was odd seeing a story I knew but without them singing about what was happening. I will say though that the story is pretty much the same except for one change that was not major in any way and the meaning had the same impact.

The Review: Night Swim

Night Swim 5/10

Last weekend we started watching this movie cause there are too many streaming options and sometimes we watch something random as hell. This starts off in 1992 with this little girl sleeping in bed when the sound of a toy boat in the pool wakes her up. Her name is Rebecca. She goes to her brother's room who is on oxygen and says she is gonna go grab it for him since he had lost it. She tries fishing it out and it keeps scooting away. Eventually her ass is yanked in and still trying to get the boat. Undeterred she keeps trying until some mass pulls her under and she vanishes. 

The Review: In This Our Life

In This Our Life 7/10

Last week my lady and I went on a Warner Bros lot tour and Bette Davis kept coming up and we found this movie and checked it out. The premise sounded super simple like a woman steals her sisters man...for starters. I was like tell me more. Oh lord did they tell me more. This movie had a lot of stuff happening and from the way it began I did not expect it to end with a fiery car crash!

This is gonna sound confusing because this family got weird names and the girls have typically dude names. The father Asa used to run a company but now just works at it. He is walking home with Parry. Parry's mother works as a housekeeper for the family and he helps with driving and washing cars along with at a shop. Black people used to be too busy. So Asa comes home and his wife Lavinia is in bed and sick for no reason. She is like on those Hitchcock episodes where an old lady is just in bed but not coughing or anything. Just...unhealthy. But they always have the energy to fuss.

The Review: Five On The Black Hand Side

Five On The Black Hand Side 6/10

Last week L and I watched this movie randomly. I had vaguely heard of it but knew the phrase the title is based off of. Knew nothing about the story or anything but since it was made in 1973 I assumed I would see some titties. I was super wrong. This is the most anti-titty movie which is sad cause Miss Dubois is in this. So it starts off with this asshole husband bossing this lady around. I thought she was a maid but she had on sleepwear which I thought was odd. Turns out it is his wife who he never refers to by her name. This man has her entire day planned out for her before he heads to work. She just spends the first ten minutes of the movie looking like this.

The Review: Presence

 

Presence 8/10

Full of spoilers. L called and said she saw the first ten minutes of this on Hulu and thought I'd be interested. I was. This movie starts off with just a camera walking all around this house. Turns out that it is a ghost. The family arrives, Chris, Rebekah, and their teen children Tyler and Chloe. Whoever wrote this definitely hangs around or knows teens because they had their dialogue down. When they arrive Chloe seems to look right at the ghost who retreats to a closet. Chloe just walks around looking at the place and unknowingly being watched. They end up getting the house and while the workers are there one of them refuses to enter one of the rooms.

The Review: Novocaine

Novocaine 2/10

This movie was ass and a complete waste of the talented actors and actresses in it. This is about a guy named Nathan Caine that is an assistant bank manager that suffers from CIPA. This is when you can't feel pain. He lives his life very cautiously so much so that he sets a timer to go to the bathroom so his bladder doesn't burst because he can not feel he has to go. This is a real thing that exists in varying degrees and has been used in movies and books before. This co-worker named Sherry invites him to lunch and he works up the nerve to do it. She asks him to try some pie. He says he can't because he might bite his tongue off. He tries it. He doesn't bite his tongue off. He likes pie. He meets up for a art show with Sherry where he bumps into a guy from school who punches him back “just like old times.” Sherry pranks the guy and she and Nathan head to his place for the sex. She has cuts all over her stomach. Eeeeeverybody hurts...

Documentality: Hey Beautiful

Hey Beautiful 7/10

This week L and I watched this series on Hulu. Its in three parts and a pretty easy watch being less than an hour each. This follows three women in particular at the start that all fall for the same guy using different names. There is Annette (the thirsty one). Roxy (the old, married one). And Gaby (the German who don't learn lessons). They are totally being scammed and giving this guy between one thousand bucks to over a million. No, they have never met him. When we watch scam things online me and my lady always wonder where these people get all this money to throw away from. Like Annette who is a waitress gives like 40,000 dollars to this guy. Roxy sneaks and has this fake fling with the guy while being married for over 50 years and is bored with her husband. And Gaby who we still aren't sure if she is still married goes as far as selling her childhood home to give money to this dude.

The Review: Hellboy The Crooked Man

Hellboy The Crooked Man 0/10

This movie was ass. I have been sitting here a few minutes debating on whether to even write about this. I forgot that this was a thing that even existed and saw it on Hulu which I forget I have most of the time unless there is a series I wanna check out. This was rated R and supposed to be scary and horror filled. There are episodes of The Flash scarier than this bullshit. Hellboy is wack in this. Had zero personality and seemed ineffective at everything. He just durable. Gets his ass kicked and speared but doesn't die. Bobbie Jo who is with him doesn't follow instructions and they shoehorn a backstory for her that made me laugh at the idea of more of these being made. Please don't. Basic premise is that Hellboy and Bobbie Jo are on a train that flips and a spider they caught gets loose. They find a boy that was bewitched and madcap adventures ensue! The crooked man in this is not scary or really that powerful and dies in the shittiest way. Fuck, this was weak. Hated that last one that came out a few years back and this was somehow even worse. The effects in this were bad. The sound editing sounded like they were in a studio. They rarely sounded like they were on set with background sounds. Ugh. This movie was not made for me.

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