Nothing But Gossip May 29th 2013

Justin Bieber was already in trouble for spitting at a neighbor after he confronted his little punkass for speeding dangerously through the neighborhood. Now he is in shit for speeding once again. Even though there are witnesses who saw him doing all of this in the second instance he says that it was not him driving. Well, that still isn't good since the last time someone was driving his car a photographer was killed. Former NFL player Keyshawn Johnson chased him down as Bieber ran for his life likely whooping like Curly from Three Stooges. Honestly, if I saw Johnson chasing me I would have run too.

Leave this poor little White girl alone!

I love that I can bring this back: Jessica Simpson is pregnant! No, that's not right. She isn't pregnant. She is fucking pregnant! So is that kind of pregnant that makes me nervous. Like she could give birth at any moment.

“Rapper” Chief Keef was arrested for the second time in one week. This time it was for speeding. This 17 year old dude has been in trouble with the law for quite some time now. But wait for it...he's a father as well. He was driving 110mph in a 55mph zone with three folks in the car with him when his permit says he can only have one. Last week he was arrested for weed possession. What a champion!

Michael Lohan went and visited his daughter Lindsay Lohan while she is at the Betty Ford Clinic. He says that she is looking good which is kinda like Gahndi telling you that your dry skin doesn't look so bad. This entire family is a mess and a half. I know a lot of people are against forced vasectomies, but can we make an exception? This guy keeps on having kids and I'm already concerned with the future. Mind you that days before he wanted her out of this place. He says she isn't looked so good since Mean Girls which is creepy as fuck from him but good for penises around the world.

We have people watching her hotness for updates.

There is gonna be a Power Ranger reunion! Well, some of them. The Blue (gay), Black (nine fingers), and Yellow (second, not the dead one) Rangers are boycotting. Who cares?! Its Morphin' Time, muthafuckas!!!

You see Amanda Bynes in court? Heh. She is fucking nuttier than squirrel turds. Bynes has said that she was slapped in the vagina by a cop after she tossed her bong out the window and was arrested. She plans to sue which I am fine with as long as she foots the court costs. What a fucking maroon!

“I am allergic to marijuana and alcohol but I smoke tobacco. Why does Rihanna smoke weed and not get in trouble for it but I smoke tobacco and people think I'm on drugs? I refuse to be treated like someone I'm not, which is why I fought for myself and am suing everyone involved. I don't need to go to rehab. There is never a drug or alcohol in my system! I'm sick of all the lies! What would you do if someone accused you of things you didn't do and yet you still had to be in jail at all over it! I'm so offended but I am so educated that I know cops cannot illegally enter my apartment, sexually harass me, arrest me, take me to a MENTAL HOSPITAL, then lock me up for a crime I didn't commit. I'm suing them all for this upsetting nightmare. My lawyer knows I'm a model citizen who doesn't partake in drugs. He's going to court this week to set the record straight again on my behalf. Thankfully I'm an educated multi-millionaire who knows better than to speak to perverted unjust cops without my lawyer.”

Duh-duh-duhduh! Snap, snap!

We are witnessing history in the making! This is the passing of the torch. We are watching as Lohan is passing the crazy to someone else. This is how the world turns. We've seen this dozens of times with former child celebrities and boy bands that grow up. I say you save your pity for starving kids and do like me and sit back, fold your arms behind your head, cross your legs, and enjoy the show.

And there is a picture of her shattered bong she tossed out the window online. You know, the one she doesn't use.

Remember that little fender bender MC Beatawoman aka Chris Brown got into last week? Guess what?! Turns out he may have given the woman he hit (with his car not his fist...this time) wrong insurance information and driver license number.

Kim Kardashian is allegedly gaining more weight during her pregnancy to cash in on Weight Watchers after she gives birth. As jacked up as that sounds it sounds so damned believable when she is concerned.

In a concert overseas during a show Beyonce was slapped on the ass by a fan. She said that she was gonna have him booted. I would have kicked him in the mouth. But its hard to blame the guy. I mean, he's a total scumbag with no self control. But she does have a nice ass. 

She know you lookin'.