DVDiculous: Hancock

This past weekend I watched Hancock with Beastman and H. This movie came out about five years ago and I like it. Well, I like about 80% of it. When we were watching the film I told them that it is good for the most part but that it takes a terribly stupid turn at one point later in the film and that we can totally stop it right at that point and that I'd explain what happened. We did just that and I saved them about half an hour of bullshit.

Hancock played by Will Smith is about a superhero who is the only one of his kind. He is a drunk loser that the public doesn't like. Mostly due to the fact that when he attempts to save the day he ends up causing more harm than good costing the city, Los Angeles, millions in dollars of damage. While “rescuing” Jason Bateman's character from being hit by a train he decides that Hancock needs a makeover. His job is a PR guy or some vague shit that movies make up all the time.

When Hancock meets Bateman's wife played by the ridiculously hot Charlize Theron she cant stand him. Or can she? Obviously there is something up between the two of them and she doesn't even try to pretend that there isn't on screen. Let me rant for a moment. There is no way in hell she would be married to this guy. He's measly, he cant stay employed with whatever the hell he does, and seriously, how in the fuck can they afford the massive house in the beautiful neighborhood they live in when he is struggling for work? Come on.

But seriously. She is hot.

Its science!

Hancock is convinced to go to prison to make up for all the damage he has done and he is there and its inspirational and the city has a huge spike in crime because, oh, that's right! The only goddamn superhero in the world is locked away in prison! Fucking maroons. So the city is fucked, Hancock gets a makeover, and he saves the day. Now the city loves him.

"Broverine"?

This is the point in the movie where I stopped the DVD. I gave them the choice I didn't have. I feel like one of those Anne Rice vampires that are nice. What I mean is that the nice ones, before they turn you into one of the undead, is they let you cut your hair and do your nails and shit before you die so when you come back you wont look all busted for the rest of your life.

But I digress.

The movie takes a ridiculous ass turn when it turns out that Theron is just like Hancock. They have been together for years and are called many things throughout history. When they are around each other too long they each get weaker. Sounds like my parents marriage. Buh-dum-bum! She whips his ass in the middle of the city and her husband sees and oh no there's a misunderstanding. Who cares?

Were you saying something...?

Hancock gets shot and I forget but some reason Theron ends up in the hospital as well. He fights off these bad guys and leaps away making the two of them stronger. Fuck the way this movie ends. I mean, it really could've been a cool ass film until it did this.

Me after seeing the movie.

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