The Review: The Hitcher

I checked out the 1986 movie The Hitcher at the suggestion of the same coworker that suggested The River Wild and Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. This movie has a very simple premise that goes right off the rails as the movie goes on. Don't get me wrong, this was a cool 80's movie I'd heard of but never seen before. But at a certain point I just kept going “These are cartoon characters!”

It starts off with this young guy named Jim played by C. Thomas Howell who is driving a car from Chicago to San Diego. He is falling asleep at the wheel like an asshole when he spots someone hitchhiking. And that someone is John Ryder played by Rutger Hauer who is in full on crazy mode. Within moments of being in the car he whips out a knife and threatens the kid. He eventually boots his crazy ass from the car while its moving and cheers.

The Review: Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

I finally checked out the 1978 movie Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. I had heard of this and other versions for years but never had a desire to really check it out until talking about horror films and such at work. I even had it bookmarked from months ago after someone else mentioned it. All I knew about it was pod people, creepy Sutherland face, and strange music. Turns out it was a really good film that had strange music, odd camera angles, and actors making me want to slap them for making bad decisions that ultimately led to a lot of deaths.

Some juicy spores come from space and land on plants which people immediately walk around picking up and sniffing. This lady Elizabeth Driscoll played by Brooke Adams brings one home and her boyfriend that is watching TV with headphones because the 70's ends up smelling it as well. Next thing you know he is acting distant, working too much, and not talking to her. He's pretty much being a husband. She knows something is up but isn't quite sure because Ashley Madison doesn't exist yet so it cant be that.

Stop It Azealia Banks

Do you know rapper Azealia Banks? Most people don't. They probably think she is some sort of activist or something that just randomly pops up in the news upset or crying about something. I never knew she existed until one day H. showed me a music video for the song 212. I liked the beat, the lyrics, and the way Banks was built. Seriously. This girl is cute as fuck. But...she needs to stop it. I want to like her more for her music than her smooth skin, crazy eyes that scream no second date, legs that look like they taste like a Skor bar, and ability to look like she got attacked by the wind and survived on gut instincts. But the shit that comes out of her mouth makes her seem like an ugly person. There's nothing worse when a hot chick adopts ugly privileges.

Pewn pewn pewn pewn!

She is currently being talked about not for a new song or anything but because she flipped out on a Delta Airlines flight that just landed here in Los Angeles. It is being reported by passengers that she tried to squeeze by others to get off the plane faster when a French dude got in her way. She then spit in his face, clawed at his shirt, and punched him because he had a French accent and she figured no physical retribution would take place. A flight attendant tried to help and got called a “fucking faggot” for his efforts. She was told cops were on the way and she boogied because in L.A when you hear that it translate to “death is coming.” They caught up to her in baggage claim but as of right now no charges have been filed. Here's footage of her trying to escape.

The Review: The River Wild

Someone I work with and I were talking about older films and he was shocked...shocked that I had not seen The River Wild. Look. I'm late when it comes to these type of films. I grew up on a steady diet of garbage so it takes me a while to get around to classics and stuff. I still haven't seen Glory which means I'm no longer allowed in South Central. This is the story of an annoying family that I want to drown being taken hostage by the worlds worse robbers.

Meryl Streep plays Gail. She is a teacher raising her two kids pretty much alone because her husband Tom played by David Strathairn is working all the time. And he's just naturally dickish. So the family minus the father decide to go on a camping and river rafting trip. Tom shows up and no one is really happy about it because in movies fathers ruin everything. So while rafting they keep coming across these guys in another raft. Eventually one comes up missing and the family helps out the last two Wade played by Kevin Bacon and Terry played by John C. Reilly. They look like criminals so of course the son loves them more than the father.

Theater Whore: Straight Outta Compton

Straight Outta Compton 7/10

Finally got a chance to check out the NWA based movie Straight Outta Compton. When thinking of how I'd rate it I had a hard time because I lived through this story. I guess this is what happens when you get older. I loved the group growing up and know almost all of their songs. I sided with Ice Cube after the group split up because he was fucking incredible. The acting was okay. Cube's son was good but everyone else seemed slightly off, like I could tell that they were acting. I would have liked to see them age or look different other than a couple of haircuts as well. And the guy playing Suge Knight was distractingly bad. This may have been better if the actual members were not involved because it felt like a cleaned up version of what NWA was. Its worth checking out but I'm kinda glad I waited.

Click here for previous Theater Whore.

Click here for an episode of Ross Radio featuring NWA.