Sitting In The Aisle: Morbius

Morbius 3/10

This could have been so cool. I will say that it was much better than either of the Venom films. This is the story of a young boy with a blood illness named Michael Morbius. A new kid joins him at the hospital and they bond for life. As an adult Michael is a doctor trying to find a cure for this disease. He finds it in the form of bats and while offshore experimenting because this shit ain't close to legal it works but turns him into a monster that needs to feed off blood to survive. His friend Milo from when he was little is like “Can I get a taste?” and Morbius is like “No. Sure, it made me buff and have superpowers but its the worst!” Milo steals it as Morbius is framed for murder. I mean, he did kill some folk but not the one he was arrested for. Lots of flying in cool ways ensues as well as some uninspiring fight scenes and some end credit scenes that baffled the fuck out of me.

Allow me to state what I liked about this movie. Morbius looked cool. He was cast perfectly and his transformation never looked cheesy. By the way, my number for this review dropped by 3 points by the time I got to the end of the previous paragraph because I was remembering things that happened and being confused by a lot of things. Let me list some.

If I see a person jump up floors of a building I assume I will be too shocked by what I witnessed to just keep shooting at them and hoping it works. It never worked.

If I am sitting two feet away from you and your face turns into scary monster face right before my fucking eyes I'm not gonna smirk at you.

If a hole in the ground suddenly erupts with a metric shit ton of bats I am not gonna look at it as if two pigeons are fighting across the street with mild interest.

If I see a man that looks like a monster throw a piece of tile in a cops neck and drain the blood from another I doubt “Freeze!” would be the next words out of my mouth.

How did Vulture gather the technology to remake his suit in this alternate universe he got dropped into?

If Morbius made two antidotes (meaning certified death) why did he kill his friend but not himself? His woman is gone and he is a monster.

If Morbius almost ate his lady because she cut herself and a drop of blood came out will she have to vanish during a certain time of the month?

Who was feeding the bats?

Obviously crazy otherworldly shit happens in this universe like Venom. So why would you lock a man that can turn into a monster in a regular cell with no one watching? Why didn't you check his “lawyer” to see if he had any contraband?

Why in the fuck were the detectives so miscast? They were really bad for this movie. I could understand if this were a superhero series on the CW but their reactions and jokes made no sense and each time they were on screen I felt yanked right out of it. I'm not kidding. They were pretty damned bad.

I wanted to like this more so bad. I didn't have high expectations but I also didn't know who the director was. Look him up and just like me you'll go “Oh. This had no choice.” Then look up who wrote it and slap yourself in the face like I did because between them and the director if this movie had been even kind of good it would have been a miracle. I would actually like a do-over. Just keep the main star of this and replace every other person and make it all over again. I know that isn't gonna happen, but, holy shit, I would love to see that movie. Not enough time was spent showing him dealing with his illness as a child to gain a lot of sympathy. Hell, it looked harder for Milo if anyone. This movie was a bummer and I'm not looking forward to a sequel of this character being in any other films unless everyone other than the star is changed and we can pretend this movie doesn't exist. Oh, and scenes from the trailer are not in this and had me thinking I was imagining shit from the trailer until I watched it again.

Jared Leto as Dr. Michael Morbius

Matt Smith as Milo Morbius

Adria Arjona as Martine Bancroft

Jared Harris as Dr. Emil Nicholas

Al Madrigal as Alberto "Al" Rodriguez

Tyrese Gibson as Simon Stroud

Click here for previous Sitting In The Aisle.