The Review: Wishmaster

Wishmaster 4/10

This movie was weird as hell and I am pretty sure I had seen it before but maybe in pieces. Back in the 1100s this djinn grants a wish from this emperor that was like “I wanna see wonders!” and the djinn was like “Bet” and started making people die in all kinda crazy ass ways. Just when a third wish to make it stop was about to be made the djinn got sucked into a ruby. Fast forward to the 90s and this statue containing the ruby is being transported. Drunk dude drops the statue killing someone and before this man's soul has even left his body this other worker steals the ruby that was embedded in the statue. This lady Alex and Josh have the gem examined after the dude who stole it sells it and it releases the djinn when it blows up. Josh is like “I don't wanna be in pain” so the djinn is like “Bet” and kills him.

The Review: Kiss The Girls

Kiss The Girls 6/10

This was my least favorite of the Ashley movies L. and I watched. I have heard of this movie for years but never watched it. This is an Alex Cross movie and I know the name and knew there had been movies made about him and a new show that I still haven't checked out. Cross' niece ends up missing and he heads to North Carolina to find her. He gets there and waits for hours and all the police there are like “We do things slow here.” Fuck you, dude! He sees that there is a whole ass wall full of missing women from the area. A couple of them have been found all scalped and tied up. Meanwhile a doctor named Kate McTiernan (who kickboxes on the side) is at home sleeping and hearing all of the spooky sounds. She finally races downstairs and runs into her fish tank that was placed at the end of the stairs. By the way, before this dude calling himself Casanova showed up her house was already spooky looking.

The Review: Soul Food (1997)

Soul Food 5/10

I saw Soul Food a few days ago and have sat on reviewing it and talking to folk about it and dropped it a point since then. Why? Because this movie has a terrible message which is: if they are family you should forgive them no matter what. This movie has everything. Sunday dinners. Divorce. Cheating. Arguing. Guns. Greens. A horny pastor. Diabetes. Its like the recipe for a Black film. And its long and I definitely felt it at times, usually when there was music playing. This is told through a boy named Ahmad. His mother is Maxine who started dating and married a dude that her older sister Teri liked. Teri is still mad about it all these years later and after being married multiple times since then. The youngest sister Bird just married a felon named Lem who dances with this woman at the wedding and she is rubbing her booty all over his dickbone. It was so disrespectful.

The Review: Eve's Bayou

Eve's Bayou 9/10

This was a damn good movie! I finally saw Eve's Bayou as I continue to earn my Black Card via L. and the list of films compiled which has been dubbed Black Movies 101. I didn't know almost nothing about this except the little girl starring in it and something about a swamp. This little girl named Eve along with her older sister, little brother (who is not important to this tale), and her parents live as a happy family in the 1960's which means its science fiction. I'm kidding. Her father Louis is loved by everyone and is a doctor that pays house visits. And by house visits I mean he fucks his patients. His wife Roz takes care of the house and family and everything seems cool. During a party Eve spots her father and this lady Matty fixing to fuck. She gasps and her father plays it off. She ends up telling her older sister Cisely about it who tells her she did not see what she thinks she saw.

The Review: Love Jones

Love Jones 7/10

I liked Love Jones. This is a continuing series that L. has started getting me to watch famous and well known Black movies that I managed to hear of but never see. This is about this photographer lady (a paying gig only in movies) named Nina who recently split from her fiance and this dude named Darius who does spoken word poetry that gets lady draws wet. He meets Nina right before he goes on stage and does a poem in her name. She don't want him after her last relationship ended so badly but this dude is persistent. Like, scary persistent. He spots her at his friends record store and gets her address and phone number from a check she used to pay for some CD's. He just shows up at her place. Its creepy. They go on a date and bone down but both are playing it off like its not serious to their friends. Darius is a ladies man and seems afraid to admit he likes Nina as much as he does. Oh, I forgot to mention at one point Nina starts seeing Darius' friend Hollywood who is a dick. He uses her to flaunt and rub it in Darius' face that he has her.