The Review: Don't Play Us Cheap/The River Niger

Don't Play Us Cheap DNF/10

This should say WTF/10 instead. L called it “Don't Watch Us Sleep” and “Don't Slap Us Away.” I laughed a lot at that, not this movie. I don't know how L and I got here but we were looking for stuff to watch and found this “movie” on Max. What is it about? Two demons that are a roach and a rat sing a long song and then later turn into two guys trying to ruin a party but Black people know how to deal with struggle so they just keep on having a good time. This looked like a play but it was a film that was then a play. I was 100% baffled watching this and even after reading how it ends I still can't make sense of it.

The Review: Sparkle (1976)

Sparkle 8/10

L. decided that I have not watched enough well known Black films...and its true. I have seen a lot of movies but movies like Sparkle slipped through the cracks. I had heard of it and that En Vogue video imitating it made my voice change and my pants feel funny. So we watched it. I didn't know that it took place in the late 50's. This is about three sisters named Sparkle, Sister, and Delores that start a band with two other dudes named Stix and Levi. Levi leaves and the sisters do it on their own with Stix, like, managing. Sister is the star of the show but gets mixed up with this guy named Satin. There is nothing good about this man. He gets her on drugs and beats her. Eventually Sister ends up dead. Delores is ashamed that their mother is a maid even though she managed to raise them all on her own doing so. Sparkle falls in love with Stix who runs off and leaves her. Stix borrows some money to get Sparkle up and running and its great until he owes some money and is threatened with death to sign over Sparkle's career. This was a good movie with enough good music and story to make it not miserable like a lot of Black led movies tend to be. If you a late ass like me I would suggest checking this out.

The Review: The Muthers (1976)

The Muthers 6/10

This movie was fucking weird. Thanks, Miss Jackie. But not bad. I need to stop saying that whenever I am writing about a movie from the 70's. This is about some ladies that are pirates. For a minute. Then it turns into another lady prison movie. I was hoping to see a Black woman pirate movie but I guess I am gonna have to just superimpose wigs on them dudes from Captain Phillips. No wait. The fuck was the Somalian pirate one? Yeah. That is it. Wigs. Anyhoot. Kelly is the leader of the crew with Anggie. Not a typo. Same with the title of this. The Muthers is such an odd name. They sail the seas with their crew robbing idiots on yachts. They run into another pirate crew and shoot at them. It seems that when water explodes next to you death happens. Oh, and they have a big ass gun. Kelly is searching for her sister as well and is told that she is in a place called No Man's Land performing. Kelly seems sick of her sisters bullshit and goes searching for her.

The Review: JD's Revenge

JD's Revenge 8/10

“I do know that my baby say's I beat her up and I don't even remember.”

“Don't worry about it she gon' be back!”

This is the type of movie I was watching. I expected far more cheese from this movie J.D's Revenge and once again I ended up watching an actual movie. I would consider this a crazy ass mixture of a Doctor Jekyll/ghost movie. It starts with a flashback to the 1940's and this gangster named J.D Walker who watches his woman get murdered and then he gets shot to death. We then go to the 1970's and this college student that drives cabs on the side named Isaac who also drives cabs on the side in New Orleans goes on a date with his wife and gets pulled up on stage to go under hypnosis. While under he somehow has the spirit of J.D enter his body. They go dancing at the club and he starts sweating his ass off and this begins many moments of me wanting his wife to either force him to go to the doctor or phone a friend. He goes home and rests and by rests I mean he has nightmares of J.D's murder.