DVDiculous: The FP

“The darkness has come. Goddamn drunks going straight edge on the streets. Resortin’ to meth an’ shit. And now with no drunks there ain’t no bums. And without no bums there ain’t no motherfuckers to feed the ducks at the park. What’s a fucking town with no ducks, J-Tro? It’s nothin’! It ain’t nothin’! How’s a ni**a supposed to sort his shit out with no ducks?!”

With lines like that you have to realize from the start that The FP, short for Frazier Park where this film takes place, is ridiculous. I don’t mean that in a bad way. To call this bad would be to call movies like The Last Dragon, Big Trouble In Little China, or RoboCop bad. I knew what I was getting into after watching the trailer a few months ago. To get mad that this was silly as all fuck would be stupid of me.

In a future where people dress like a combination of Road Warriors, 80’s rappers, 80’s New Wave, and dirt people. It starts with BTRO being challenge to a dance contest by L Dubba E. Its not a normal dance contest. Its on a Beat Beat Revolution game. Lives are lost playing this game. And that’s what happens. BTRO dies in the arms of his brother JTRO. Dejected, JTRO swears to never play the game again and goes and becomes a logger.

KCDC, the MC at Found Ation where the dance competitions take place, finds JTRO and convinces him to come back to The FP because shits gone bad. L Dubba E’s father dies leaving him in control of all the booze and liquor stores in town. People who are bored and cant buy liquor just say fuck it and start doing meth. JTRO begins training with a sage named BLT.

During all of this a chick named Stacy has eyes for JTRO. But between dealing with her angry father and her now boyfriend L Dubba E she and JTRO keep almost hooking up but it doesn’t happen. Since I know where her mouth has been every time they almost kiss I screamed “No!” See, ladies. This is why I don’t like hearing about how good your blowjob skills are. My imagination is far too vivid.

"My lips are sealed...with semen."

JTRO goes to a party where he has to defeat another gang leader before challenging for the championship. A girl gives him a cup which he drinks to discover that it is meth. Yes, he drinks a cup of meth. He ends up winning anyway and continues training after being taken home after apparently trying to take a piss in a television. He, BLT, and KCDC get weapons and L Dubba E bring some in case something happens. The championship begins and JTRO ends up beating L Dubba E who starts shooting. He grabs Stacy and drives off…forcing Stacy to give him head the whole time.

JTRO catches up to L Dubba E and beats his ass. He leaves town and now JTRO is in charge of the booze and the town. Stacy and JTRO walk to a beautiful lake and she gives him head. The end. This was a funny movie full of so much cursing. N-bombs are dropped every other minute in various forms including motivationally. Everyone talks like thugs and quit by shouting “187!” Check this out if you can if you’re in the mood for some silly ass fun.

Oh, and Cliff Curtis shows up for no reason!