DVDiculous: GI Joe Retaliation

I decided to watch GI Joe: Retaliation because I don't even know. I have no real explanation as to why I decided to watch this. I saw the first one and it was quite terrible but I hoped that with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Channing Tatum who I now like in films (sometimes) this would be better. It wasn't. Its funny because I tend to like films where things explode but I tend to get upset when they try and have a plot that's complicated when it doesn't need to be.

On one side you have Roadblock and Duke, Johnson and Tatum, who are making explosions, running from explosions, and playing video games with explosions. Shit you not, they show them sitting at home paying videos games. Because I don't know about the rest of you, but when I think of a blockbuster film with action, I think of watching them play video games. Duke ends up getting killed in an explosion and I didn't care. Roadblock gets all revenge mode meaning doing shit that goes against everything he tells others.

On the other side of the world Snake Eyes and Jinx are working under the tutelage of RZA from Wu Tang Clan. I am dead serious. RZA stars as this ancient master which when he is on the screen will yank you right the fuck out of the film. You may remember, and if you do I understand your pain, that he was the star, director, and writer of that horrible Man With The Iron Fists. Snake Eyes is cool and does lots of ninja type shit.

The rest of the movie is more explosions and nonsense. I know that years from now there will end up being a reboot of these films. GI Joe is a lot of characters that are cool and interesting for their own reasons. They all had special skills and personalities. In these movies they say something that's clever, pose, and shoot shit. Also, I don't like that Cobra Commander is a badass. I like that he tells people what to do and screams and runs when he is in danger. His character is the reason why I know what the word “Retreat!” means. This movie was directed by the same guy that did Justin Bieber: Never Say Never and Step Up 3D so there's that.

Doing the opposite of retreating. 

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