Theater Whore: Rampage

Rampage 4/10

I forgot I saw this. Yeah. It was that good. Rampage has a very simple premise. Some stuff from a spaceship crashes to Earth that some evil corporation was working on and it lands on Dwayne Johnson's friend an albino ape named George. George starts to get bigger and the military show up and take him away and there is a giant wolf that was also infected that eats the fuck out of folks. It ends up moving into the city where shit gets wrecked. Then an alligator shows up. The crazy thing is as much damage as the creatures do it does not even begin to compare to the mess that the robots in Pacific Rim Uprising did.

Theater Whore: Fate Of The Furious

Fate Of The Furious 9/10

There will be spoilers. This morning I headed to The Arclight (The Dome really) and checked out Fate Of The Furious. I hadn't been in that part of the theater in a long ass time. I have really liked this movies since the fifth one (click here, here, and here for previous reviews of the Furious films) and was looking forward to this one so much. I saw a submarine in the trailer and said fuck everything. I have to see this as soon as it comes out. The entire cast is back for this one as well as some surprises and great additions. Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham, the lovely Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese, Ludacris, hot ass Nathalie Emmanuel, Kurt Russell, too handsome Scott Eastwood shows up, and magical beam of light Charlize Theron is the newest villain and by god she is evil as fuck!

The Review: Hercules

There were two Hercules movies that came out in 2014. One was The Legend Of Hercules which was laughably bad and this one starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson. I had no strong desire to see either but managed to for some reason. This one lied a ton in the trailer and poster because its about a bunch of his tales but they aren't true. He runs with a crew and they are mercenaries and he ends up fighting for the wrong side. This movie is pretty lame but there is a 20 minute period where the movie is awesome which makes the other 70 minutes that weren't wasteful seem even worse. This could have been cool but it ended up being dull. Hell, I'll even accept cheesy.

Click here for previous The Review.

Theater Whore: Furious 7

Furious 7 – 8/10

This will have spoilers. KP and I decided that we needed to watch Furious 7 yesterday. First we watched Fast & Furious 6 right before heading out because she hadn't seen it before. We went to the Arclight and got the party started. This movie picks up right after the last one left off where the Asian dude got killed by Jason Statham in Tokyo and he called Vin Diesel and told him that he was coming for him. Turns out that Statham and the bad guy from the last film are brothers. Then the movie moves backwards a tiny bit. Paul Walker is getting used to being home and not dodging bullets while Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez struggle with her memory problems. After winning a race she starts acting all weird and runs away.

Jordana Brewster tells Diesel that she is pregnant but hasn't told Walker yet because she knows he hates being normal. Then they get a package from Japan that blows up their entire damned house. 

DVDiculous: GI Joe Retaliation

I decided to watch GI Joe: Retaliation because I don't even know. I have no real explanation as to why I decided to watch this. I saw the first one and it was quite terrible but I hoped that with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Channing Tatum who I now like in films (sometimes) this would be better. It wasn't. Its funny because I tend to like films where things explode but I tend to get upset when they try and have a plot that's complicated when it doesn't need to be.

On one side you have Roadblock and Duke, Johnson and Tatum, who are making explosions, running from explosions, and playing video games with explosions. Shit you not, they show them sitting at home paying videos games. Because I don't know about the rest of you, but when I think of a blockbuster film with action, I think of watching them play video games. Duke ends up getting killed in an explosion and I didn't care. Roadblock gets all revenge mode meaning doing shit that goes against everything he tells others.