Everyone you care about it back. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Vin Diesel, Ludacris, Tyrese Gibson, and the rest. Oh, Gina Carano joins the crew and Michelle Rodriguez returns from the dead. Paul Walker who has one acting setting and his wife Jordana Brewster who has two have a kid who will hopefully have three are living the life of escaped convicts. They have money and no worries. Vin Diesel and his lady from the last film are good as well. Then one day The Rock shows up and he’s all like “I have more muscles than flesh. Your girlfriend you thought was dead is alive. Help us catch her and this crew she is working with and we’ll let you all get back into America with no charges against you.” I was like, really?! Can you do that?!
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| Yes. Yes, he can. |
So the whole crew gets back together to stop these other drivers. Oh, one more thing. So Michelle Rodriguez is back from the dead, right? Okay. Diesel’s new girlfriend is all understanding and like “If there was a chance my dead husband was alive I would go to him. You should go.” Nope. No one is that understanding. So they all get together and try to stop this guy that has a weird ass car that can flip other cars.
Rodriguez and Diesel get face to face and she shoots him in the shoulder and leaves. Long story short, she didn’t die a few films ago. She lost her memory after an accident and explosion. By the way, in these films explosions aren’t deadly. They’re a way to get to another place faster.
Paul Walker, to find out information, ends up getting back to America under a fake name and meets a big drug kingpin that tells Walker pretty much what everyone knew. He beats up three guys and gets out of prison before 9am and is back with Diesel and the team. The fuck?! And to make it worse, when he tries to tell Diesel what he found out he is all in his voice that sounds like a bear walking on glass “I don’t even care what you found out. That was for you.” Hey, asshole! The guy that just had a kid with your sister just risked his freedom and life for this information. You are gonna hear it whether you want to or not!
So crazy shit happens and we end up on the road with a tank killing dozens of people. After explosions and cars being crushed there is a scene, I shit you not, where Vin Diesel jumps from his moving car, across a free way bridge, catches Rodriguez mid air, and lands on the windshield of another car. And no one is hurt. I mean, he was just shot in the arm like a day ago and there’s not even a bleeding wound. Maybe the big secret to all these films is that he isn’t a real human but an android from a future where everyone must go slow and he rages against it by traveling to the past and going fast.
I am a fucking genius!!!
So it turns out that Gina Carano is actually working with the bad guy which makes absolutely no sense other than to have her and Rodriguez have another fight which I have no problem with because I’m a man and whenever girls fight you hope a titty pops out. They don’t.
So there are more explosions, a plane is dragging like four cars but still able to get off the ground even though a paper cup on the wing of a 747 will keep it grounded, the chick that likes the Japanese guy sacrifices herself needlessly, and The Rock and Diesel tag team against the bad guy and this huge fucker. Everyone gets off the plane somehow except for Diesel.
Oh, no…
Is he alive? What’s going on? Boom! Car explodes out the front of the crashing plane and Diesel’s car flips over a hundred time. Out of the flames he emerges with no damage. Can I point out something weird I noticed multiple times in this movie between Vin Diesel and Jordana Brewster? I don’t know what happens behind the scenes but they never touch each other in this film. I don’t mean in a sexual way but in a way that shows they care about each other. And this doesn’t happen once.
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| Moments after this was taken he ate her. |
Diesel and Paul Walker show up to witness the birth of Brewster’s child. Diesel doesn’t go inside.
Diesel shows up to meet the baby later and Brewster excuses herself to grab some food.
Diesel leaves and may not come back alive she doesn’t even hug him.
Diesel escapes a plane exploding and his car flipping over a million times and she…hugs her husband and doesn’t even check on Diesel.
For a movie that is all about family, which they bring up a hundred times in the movie, they don’t show much family-ness towards each other. They all end up back in Los Angeles when in reality or something close to it they would have been shot on sight as soon as they stepped foot back into the country. This movie had some cool parts but it was so long. This didn’t need to be two hours long.
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