Theater Whore: The Purge

I don’t see many creepy or horror films in the theater but after seeing the trailer for The Purge I decided to give it a try. This is from the makers of Paranormal Activities (which I still haven’t seen any of) and are known for making films cheaply and getting a lot of profit. This film cost $3 million and has made almost $68 million in less than three weeks. That’s a lot of Wimpy Burgers!

I should have waited to see this.

Its not terrible but you can tell that there is a movie that could actually be fucking incredible inside of this. Its 2022 and crime and unemployment is low, like, 1% low. The reason why is because once a year the government lets the country go fucking ape shit for 12 hours one day a year. It’s a chance for everyone to let their anger out so for the rest of the year everything is cool.

Bullshit.


You’d have to give me a week of going nuts to let me get this shit out of my system. The first three days would just be me chasing down family members. The film stars Ethan Hawke and Lena Headey as parents of two strange and very assholish kids that are hunkering down for the night. He runs a security company and the wife stays home looking cute. The son is a electronic loving weirdo. The daughter is a bitchy, whining ass kid. 

Whah! My family is perfect! Whah!

You know that there is some tension between the neighbors, the daughter hates her parents but loves her boyfriend who is too old for her, the son is just…weird, and the husband and wife love life. So of course bad shit is gonna happen. Some Black dude comes screaming for help and the son lets him in. Hell, as soon as I saw that happen I knew that the future was a new place! 

"Thank god for White guilt!"

This group of freaks show up and tell the family that they have the Black guy who is homeless and want to kill him because fuck the homeless and if they don’t they will kill everyone. The Black dude hides and at that moment the daughters boyfriend decides to kill the father because he is keeping them from true love. So he dies. The Black dude takes the daughter hostage, then he is taken hostage, then the house is attacked because suddenly the family is all “We are not like the people out there ‘Purging’!” and keep the guy. 

Bad idea.

The rest of the film is them hiding and fighting off the bad guys. It becomes a drawn out mess which is sad because this movie isn’t even 90 minutes long. The ending just makes you even more upset and the credits let you know that there will probably be another one. 

At no point did I really get creeped out or even worried for the family. This movie was full of deus ex machina moments and even when one of the family members dies its like “Good. That’s what they get for being stupid.” 

"Derp?"

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