Insert Coin: Ikari Warriors

“The player takes the role of commando-like warriors named Ralf and Clark, who must try to reach the village of Ikari. Enemy units attempting to kill the player include tanks, enemy soldiers and helicopters. A number of power-ups along the way help the player to achieve victory. Ikari Warriors was the first popular video game to use rotary joysticks: those which could be rotated in addition to being pushed in eight directions. The game also featured two buttons, one for the standard gun and another for lobbing grenades. It allowed two players to play cooperatively, side-by-side — one of the few games to do so at the time — and to use vehicles.”

Ikari Warriors is one of those games where you hear the name and go “Oh, that game was awesome! One of the best games for the NES!” because you’re remembering it with childhood eyes. This is one of the most aggravating games ever made and almost impossible to beat unless you know that hitting A, B, B, A will bring you back to life. Otherwise, you’re not getting past the first level. 

Going by the cover you think that you’re gonna be in these deep jungles with your partner sporting your ever so deadly pink and baby blue headbands and shooting the fuck out of ninjas. 

This is not what happens.

Yeah. Ninjas. Not sure why ninjas would be wearing baby blue outfits in a green environment. You are shooting bullets the size of baseballs while trying not to get stuck in the game. Like for reals stuck in the game. You get trapped on rocks and cant move until you die. (sigh) A, B, B, A.

Pewn! Pewn! Pewn!

And the tanks and planes you go to use were the same pink and baby blue as your headbands. You jump in these sons of bitches and think “Its time to kill some ninjas!” and then you get shot down or stopped immediately. This game is ass. Look up how it ends and get ready to punch this game in the face.

Beware of fabulous tanks!

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