Theater Whore: World War Z

Let me start this off by saying that I had no intentions of seeing this movie. I was gonna watch it way later down the line because as I have written before (click here to read my rant) I was pissed that this movie was even being made. I was mad at the cast, the story, the zombies that run faster than Olympians. Just…everything. So how did I end up watching it in 3D no less?

Me and East sat in the wrong theater.

Now, at The Arclight this was in theater 1. So when we headed in because we were supposed to see Star Trek: Into The Darkness at 11:05 we got our 3D glasses, which were much smaller and way lighter, and say down and talked before the movie. I asked her what the time was and the movie should’ve started two minutes ago. 

So when the usher came in (after giving us the proper eyewear) and did her little speech before the movie she said “World War Z has a run time of…” and I looked at East like “Whaaaaa…?!” She asked the usher what film this was and she repeated herself. We realized we were in the wrong theater. Hey, the way the theater is set up is stupid, okay?! 

This was me when I found out I was in the wrong theater. 

She said we could go to the correct theater but the movie had already started and I hate getting into movies late. So we stayed and I was like “Goddamn it. I am such a hypocrite. I was just bitching about this movie for the past year.” So we sat down and I was prepared to be mad especially after how shitty Iron Man 3 was. 

Imagine my surprise when I didn’t hate this.

First off I listened to East and just tried my best to get the book out of my mind and treat it like a new, original film. If you can do that it makes it far easier to watch. Brad Pitt plays a former United Nations worker that was good in war zones and dangerous situations. He is retired and spends time with his wife and two daughters. One of them has asthma which you know will come into play at some point. So they are driving, enjoying life when they are stuck in traffic and all hell breaks loose. 

Zombies are real, motherfuckers! And they are fast as fuck! Its so unfair how fast they are. Its impossible to outrun them. When someone gets bitten they change in like twelve seconds. That is fucking fast. So they get away and the daughter cant breathe because every kid needs an issue in movies. Zombies are enough, thank you. So they head into a store to steal some shit and of course they decide “You go that way I’ll go this way!” The wife ends up damn near raped and Pitt has to shoot a guy. They make it to sorta safety and hole up until they are taken to a carrier and he is assigned to help fix this shit. 

"Honey, I'll go get batteries. You go grab some rape in aisle three!"

The rest of the film, which flies by, is Pitt arriving somewhere, zombies come, he runs away. It’s a lot of that. There’s one point where he is trying to sneak on a bike past zombies because they respond to sound and his fucking wife calls. I was like “Woman, if you don’t playin’ on that phone!” People get killed and one guy offs himself because she couldn’t sit her ass in her safe ass bed and leave things alone. 

They heard what almost happened to his wife and decided to stick with him.

In Jerusalem they have shit handled. They have a wall and everyone is happy. Too happy. They start singing and dancing and the zombies are all like “Who didn’t invite me? Why cant I come to the party?” and they start the human pyramid that drove me crazy when I first saw the trailer for this. 

Fuck this all the time. 

There is an airplane scene that is kind of confusing since no one infected should have been able to get on. East talked about how some of them turned like ten minutes later but between getting on the plane, being seated in the panic, and getting to the room he was in, it had to have been a while and they would have heard his snarling ass. This movie is not perfect but it is far from as bad as I expected it to be. There are some things that bugged me (Latino kid that watches his parents killed and has no reaction at any point, no blood being shown, Korea replacing China as the source of the virus because China is a big part of movies making money, the cure, the fact that it didn't need to be in 3D) but it wasn’t enough for me to say this movie sucked. Thanks to East for tricking me into seeing this. Hahaha! 

Click here for previous Theater Whore.