FAP FILES: Girls Of Salute Your Shorts

Growing up the channel Nickelodeon used to play shows for kids and teens that weren’t just strangely drawn cartoons. They had shows where chicks paraded around and it made my young sexless self very happy. I decided to compile a Fap File with chicks from Salute Your Shorts. These will contain before and after shots. Yes, some after pictures are a few years old but whatever. Its just proof that they improved.

Megan Berwick

On Salute Your Shorts ZZ Ziff was the hippy chick. She looked like she didn’t wash herself thoroughly and likely had a musk to her. I know I sound mean but I’m just telling you how I felt when I watched the show. One day I decided to check up on this actress and see how she turned out. I figured she would be a broken down teacher and not all that cute. I was surprised with what I saw. Megan grew up to be a very cute chick.

Salute Your Shorts was the last show she ended up doing before going to Colorado College and then graduating from Stanford University getting a M.A in International Political Economy. I have no damned idea what the even means and I don’t have the energy to look it up. It sounds smart though. Now she’s working at some micro funds place. I think it may be better to not be one of those Disney kids where they end up all strange and honked up. Apparently Nickelodeon is the way to go.

Venus Demilo

On the show she was the tomboy named Telly Radford. She was the type of girl who would kick your ass and you’d be praying that no one was around to see it. Which is something that many of us guys, particularly those of us that were very tiny kids, have experienced. I remember wondering what happened to her and if she was still doing anything in television. Turns out she had kept busy.

Busy being hot! What the hell? There is nothing in the way she looked when she was little that would make you go “Oh, she’s gonna grow up to be a damned bombshell.” She made appearances on Sister, Sister, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, and Bold & The Beautiful for a few years. Later she went to school for producing and directing. Not sure what she has been dong the last few years but someone said that she is in a Pine Sol commercial and I checked and sure enough that’s her. Its years old though.

Heidi Lucas

Now this girl was one of my main crushes back in the day. She had an ugly personality and was this super rich girl and it made you wonder why Dina Alexander went to this cheap ass summer camp. There was one episode where they had a school dance and she had this tight ass red dress on and I sat there watching it and wondering why my pants didn’t fit anymore. She’s one of the reasons why hot girls can get away with being total bitches.

Damn. After leaving Salute Your Shorts she appeared on a bunch of random series like Saved By the Bell: The New Class, Boy Meets World, and The Wayans Bros. along with commercials before saying “Fuck this nonsense…” and started working as an attorney. In California. Hmm. So yeah. She grew up to be uncomfortably pretty. What is that you ask? Its that thing where a chick is so pretty that you don’t even want to touch her because you think you’d mess something up. I know a couple women like that in real life and its bizarre. Not bad bizarre. You just wonder how they get through life without every guy trying to bone ‘em.