Insert Coin: Choplifter

In Choplifter, the player assumes the role of a combat helicopter pilot. The player attempts to save hostages being held in prisoner of war camps in territory ruled by the evil Bungeling Empire. The player must collect the hostages and transport them safely to the nearby friendly base, all the while fighting off hostile tanks and other enemy combatants. According to the backstory, the helicopter parts were smuggled into the country described as mail sorting equipment.

That doesn’t sound dangerous at all, huh? Having parts of a helicopter sent in, assembling the son of a bitch, and then using it to rescue people. Don’t know about you but I’d take my chances with the Bungeling Empire. They didn’t have the best security team if some dude can build a copter and fuel it enough to run rescue missions. It was a fully armed and working helicopter built right under their noses! I’m figuring that no guards ever wandered by and wondered what all the ruckus was about. “That guy crying sounds like a drill and welding tool!”

"Aw, shit..."

Choplifter was a game I’d forgotten all about until reading an article where they referenced it in a throwaway manner. My brain shorted for a moment and all of a sudden I was like “Holy shit I remember this game!” I remember sucking at it badly more than anything else. I was bad at a lot of old games but this one in particular pissed me off because as a child I wanted the hostages to behave like real people. I land, pick you up, drop you off while dodging gun fire along the way. Seemed pretty simple.

"Nyah! Where's your messiah now?!"

The problem was that you were being fired upon by missiles, bullets, and dudes in rocket packs that didn’t give a fuck about things like personal safety. It didn’t help that the hostages took their sweet time getting to you. Some would kind of wander the other way for a moment and then see the rest of their friends, that were still living, boarding and be like “Oh, that’s where we’re supposed to go! Derp!” I would actually lose it sometimes and start killing my own hostages figuring they were too stupid to live and it was a mercy slaying. A mindset that I still believe should be employed.