Thursday, July 10, 2014

Babbling Old Man: Django

I finally got around to watching the 1966 movie Django. No, this is not that lame ass Django Unchained that came out. This movie is about a guy that kills over 100 people and doesn't seem to care about it. I'm still not sure if he is a good guy or not because even when he does something good its for honked up reason. This stars Franco Nero as Django. He's the only person who I'll mention by name because everyone else is a silly person. While dragging a casket through the desert he comes across this woman named Maria who is being whipped by some Mexican dudes. He waits a while and watches as these White dudes kill them all.

Right after she is saved the same guys are like “That's what you get for messing with them Mexicans!” and then they are ready to kill her. At this point the movie, less than ten minutes in, I already a comedy. I feel like I'm watching A Million Ways To Die In The West. Django saves her, takes her back to town, and brings her to a bar/whore house. Not really a difference back then. Turns out that she escaped from the whore house and wouldn't ya know it, the evil White man gang is coming! Everyone knows who this woman is. She's supposed to be half White half Mexican and while I know that it is totally possible to be that and have blond hair, green eyes, and absolutely no accent...come on. Django gets into with these guys and a duel is planned. Django brings his casket out and all hell breaks loose!

John Wayne couldn't even stand the reign of the Tec!

He pops the trunk and just mows these fuckers down! He got a machine gun! How unfair is that? The other guys are just decades away from having muskets and he pulls out what is the equivalent of a robot and kills everyone but the most important guy. I have to mention the way people die in this film. Kids can watch this movie. They get shot, clutch their bloodless chest, and lay down. Even when this guy gets his ear cut off and fed to him only to be shot moments later his ear is back on. Death is like a magic trick in this.

The movie could've ended after the machine gun scene. Django turns out to be friends with the Mexican bandits, Maria is just a plot device, Django becomes a total pussy and gets beaten up way too easily. At first he is like a Terminator but then becomes this guy that can be caught and manipulated very easily. He gets his hands destroyed but is still able to remove the trigger guard from a gun, prop it against a tombstone, and kills five or six guys. Impossible. This movie was fun to watch and I'm glad I did purely for pop culture referential reasons.

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