The Review: Hanna

Hanna 2/10

Haunting visuals. Compelling story. Great acting. Incredible music. Hanna had all that and more...in 2011. This new Amazon series with the same title and loosely the same story has none of those things. What it does have is a weak story, inconsistent characters, and music that made me want to mute my television when it came on. This is gonna be full of complaints and spoilers so if that ain't your jam you should stop reading now. I had been looking forward to this because I loved the movie for all the things I mentioned above. This series did not have any of that stuff. I just kept asking “Why is (insert character name) doing that?!” which eventually became “Oh, they are doing some dumb shit so another episode can happen.” This could have easily, and should have been, maybe four episodes. But it just kept dragging along and not being interesting. Oh, and I'm gonna be comparing this to the movie. Deal with it. Super spoilers ahead. And whoever did that poster needs to be fired.

This starts off with a guy named Erik stealing a baby from a facility. He kills some folks and then escapes. He is raising this girl, Hanna, in a cave and training her to fight. He doesn't teach her basic human interaction shit but that is fine because as the series goes on she just figures everything out. Like how to drive like an action hero even though she had never even seen a car before. I'm getting ahead of myself. Erik, who Hanna calls her dad, gets her period, leaves the forest that kept them safe from danger, and ends up getting some candy from a stranger. The stranger ends up reporting he saw this girl because she attacked him because she is basically a cave woman. Now her and her dad have to escape. In the movie she summons the danger and it is amazing! Her father was like “You press this button and they are coming” and she gives zero fucks. In this? Nah. She just dumb.

It turns out her dad had a job getting women that were planning to have abortions have their kids but give them to this place. Hanna's mom was down but changed her mind. Erik started liking her and rescued the baby which is why they are being hunted. This lady Marissa that worked with him is leading the hunt. She always had this look on her face like she was holding in a fart until the music started. And she came across as evil in every scene. I could see why this guys son that she was boning down with did not like her. She radiated “I use to supervise the burning of babies for a living.” Erik likes to keep secrets that will obviously come out from Hanna so when she finds things out she gets mad, hurts someone, and runs away. Then she changes her mind and comes back.

One of the absolute worst things in this series was this family that Hanna comes across. I actually paused and checked to see how many episodes they would be in and was pissed to see that it was five out of eight. Shit! She meets this girl named Sophie who has run from her fucked up arguing ass family stumbles across Hanna. Her family pick her up and she ends up having a personal Rumspringa. Hanna gets drunk, makes out, has sex, kicks a boy in the face. With this family the parents fight all the time, the daughter Sophie is a shit bird, the younger brother is annoying as hell. So you can see why I was so happy that they were in five of the eight episodes. She should have gotten a ride and never seen them again.

The only reasons why I gave this a 2/10 is because the fight scenes were done well and this one girl, who I would have actually rather have seen as Hanna. Her name is Yasmin Monet Prince. She shows up late in the season and she is part of the same program that created Hanna. A program to get young girls and turn them into robotic fighting machine assassins. The actual Hanna did not come across as haunting as in the film. The episodes felt weirdly paced too. Like there was a bunch of people directing and they all had their own versions of how they wanted the show to feel and look. So yeah. I wouldn't bother watching this unless you just want something that makes sounds in the background.

Esme Creed-Miles as Hanna

Mireille Enos as Marissa Wiegler

Joel Kinnaman as Erik Heller

Rhianne Barreto as Sophie

Joanna Kulig as Johanna

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