Black
Summer 2/10
Full
of spoilers. This should have been called Loud Noises. Black Summer
was suggested to me by my Netflix in a strange way of pushing me
towards canceling my subscription (which will occur as soon as I
finish the third season of Hap & Leonard). When I watch zombie
shit I need to find one or more people to relate to. If not that I
want someone I can cheer on through the movie or series. This gave me
one person and she didn't even speak English. I'll get to her later.
This is about a zombie outbreak that has happened. No one knows why
but it is a thing and widely known. A mother, father, and daughter
are making their way to a military convoy to head to the stadium. The
stadium is the magical place where everyone will be safe which sounds
like a fucking nightmare to me considering when this country uses a
stadium for sanctuary crime, rape, and violence occur. And that's
just at the Ram games. By the way, if you liked the pilot episode,
good for you, because none of the other episodes feel the same way.
So
this family is racing to the checkpoint and more people are following
as they begin to saunter there. At this checkpoint you have to have
papers to get in. You also get scanned and patted down. The daughter
gets on a truck but dad is stopped and questioned. Mother is like
“He's fine let us go because we have a kid!” Not so fast, turbo
two tone! The husband has a bleeding wound on his stomach. All hell
breaks loose and the daughter gets bused away while the parents run
into a house for safety. So you telling me this lady knew her husband
was fucking sick and was still willing to let him on a bus heading
towards safety with her daughter and a bunch of innocent ass people?!
Are you fucking joking?! Do people love family that much? Everyone I
know knows that if they become a zombie they get handled with the
swiftness and if I turn into one to take my Black ass out. No
emotional pleas or goodbyes. Just take care of business. So of course
the husband turns and is killed by a military dude who is not really.
Mother gives him this creepy ass hug and explains her situation.
Already
I am not sympathetic to this woman and anything she is fighting for.
This series starts introducing characters left and right and jumping
back and forth through time which would be clever if I wasn't still
trying to figure out the story and the other characters. This show is
like “Nah! Remember that woman that got ran over? Here is her
story...meaning her boyfriends story. Enjoy!” So that military dude
I mentioned was captured by the military for some “loot” reason
or other and gets free and helps the mother so now they together. The
boyfriend who is deaf whose girl got ran over and turns into a zombie
is a part of the team eventually along with this guy named Lance. I
mentioned Lance by name because fuck that guy. I will explain why
later as well. So this team of people are trying to make their way to
the stadium while another group that consists of a Latino dude that
has wild mood swings that wants to get to his family steals the car
of an old lady who I thought would have a mysterious back story but
ends up eating windshield, and the hero we don't deserve named Sun.
Her name is longer but she shortens it.
Sun
speaks almost no English but manages to out act everyone in this
series. I normally don't mind when another language is spoken in a
film because there are subtitles. There are no fucking subtitles when
she talks and she talks a lot. Would it have hurt to know what she
was saying? Her reaction to situations is more realistic and
reasonable than everyone else on this goddamn show. While she is with
Latino man and old woman this big ass truck keeps chasing them down.
I was thinking it was some government thing because the old lady
seemed particularly afraid of it. Nope. Turns out it is just some
assholes that decided to fuck with people during the zombie
apocalypse. That's it. So old lady flies out of car because she does
not wear seat belts but she comes back to life. Yeah. Turns out you
don't have to just get bitten to turn which is unfair bullshit. You
also turn into a zombie within moments which makes the whole thing
with the father at the start make no sense and is a shitty plot hole.
There
is an episode that takes place in a diner because there is always a
diner scene in zombie shit. There is Sun, Latino man, Latino thug,
his lady, and some random ass dude. They were in the truck chasing
down Sun and Latino man. Latino thug says Spanish things every few
words and if you don't speak Spanish but can imitate what you think a
Spanish thug sounds like you have just become this guy. Random dude
says he and Latino man are the alphas and they need a plan. The plan
is to get attacked by zombies and then running back into the diner to
panic some more. Random dude ends up getting left outside to get
attacked. The mother and military guy arrive and they all gather and
fight off the remaining zombies. They end up raiding a warehouse
fighting of sexual harassment, attempted rape, and rogue soldiers.
They get a lot of guns and suddenly everyone knows how to use an
assault rifle. Some of the guns have infinite ammo while others have
nine bullets. The bullets run out when the story needs them to.
Now
let me talk about Lance. When he ends up is this school that happens
to be run by a group of students that torture people who enter for
fun they are trying to be very quiet. So of course he starts messing
with a drum. He later almost gets blown up setting off a tripwire.
This fucker ends up getting an entire episode dedicated to him
escaping a zombie. He fucks his hand up but it later heals with no
explanation. He just runs from one zombie the whole episode until a
guy saves him and ends up having Lance put a bullet in his head
because he got hurt saving his punk ass. Lance had no character
development. Almost no one did! Except in terms of magically using
weapons greatly after previously having no experience.
This
season ends and I laughed. But it was an angry laugh. Like finishing
a drink and finding a fly at the bottom. The zombies are fast as
hell. Head shots kill them but even after seeing this as a fact
dozens of time they continue to shot them ten times before hitting
their heads. The camera shit bugged me because when zombies were on
screen chasing folks it was shaky as hell and when people were just
having conversations...long...long...long conversations there was a
handheld. A camera that is unsteady does not make a conversation more
interesting. This show is a prequel to a show I have never watched
and sure as hell don't plan to later this. I have watched a lot of zombie things and this ranks at the bottom. Resident Evil Retribution, Brain Dead, Bio Zombie, Warm Bodies, World War Z, Scouts Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse, Maggie, The Girl With All The Gifts, Train To Busan, Life After Beth, The Night Eats The World, and Santa Clarita Diet are all better than this shit.
Jaime
King as Rose
Christine
Lee as Ooh “Sun” Kyungsun
Sal
Velez Jr. as William Velez
Kelsey
Flower as Lance
Gwynyth
Walsh as Barbara Watson
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