FAP FILES: Carla Gugino Bionic Fap

I don’t know why but you people have made my Carla Gugino Fap Files my most popular blog ever. I know that she’s a hot woman but I had no idea that so many others agreed. I decided to do a bit more research about her and not just be a total creep and write about how so many of us wish that we could be married to her even though there’s no chance that most of us will ever get a chance to even give her a high five. See how classy I can be? I didn’t even say have sex with her. Just a sweet high five which are totally real things that you can do.

FAP FILES: Sucker Punch

Back when I first heard about the movie Sucker Punch I was like “Okay. Whatevs…” Then I heard the premise and my pants got tighter than my ass in prison. At least I hope my ass gets tight in prison. Either from fear or rage. What the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah. So I watched a trailer for this movie and it was like they took everything I loved about life and decided to not only have a chick in it, but five of them. Sexually I don’t even know what that is. An orgy? Yeah, lets go with that. This movie was a visual orgy for me.

While watching the movie I saw a lot of things that rules. Steam powered Nazi zombies. Giant fighting robots. Samurais. Dragons. And crazy bitches all locked together in an asylum. And you know what happens when you lock crazy bitches up together?! They dance. I totally thought they would just start making out with or something. The first chick is played by I don’t care to look her name up. In the movie she is Babydoll. And by Cthulhu she’s hot! Even though she is almost the opposite of what I like in chicks (skinny, super blond hair, giant eyes) but for some reason it works on her. And look at that skirt! Apparently she does a dance so sexy it makes people cry. I cried. In my pants! A lot of people were pissed that they didn't actually show the dance in the movie. I didn't care. It gave me the chance to imagine what it could've been. I have never seen something so sexy that it moved me to tears. Maybe it just hasn't happened yet. God, I feel bad for whatever woman makes that happen to me. Its never a good thing when a man has a boner and tears rolling down his cheek.

FAP FILES: Carla Gugino

I totally forgot to do a Fap File the other day which is sad because you all would’ve missed the newest member to join a select group of female celebrities who have no idea how scared they should be that I find them attractive. Meet Carla Gugino. Even if you don’t know her name you’ve probably seen her in movies and TV. Karen Sisco, Sky Kids, Night At the Museum, Watchmen, Californiacation, Sucker Punch, and Entourage. And she has no problem whatsoever getting butt booty ass naked! How cool is that?! She survived being born in Florida and moved to Los Angeles until starting a modeling career at the age of 15.