FAP FILES: Sucker Punch

Back when I first heard about the movie Sucker Punch I was like “Okay. Whatevs…” Then I heard the premise and my pants got tighter than my ass in prison. At least I hope my ass gets tight in prison. Either from fear or rage. What the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah. So I watched a trailer for this movie and it was like they took everything I loved about life and decided to not only have a chick in it, but five of them. Sexually I don’t even know what that is. An orgy? Yeah, lets go with that. This movie was a visual orgy for me.

While watching the movie I saw a lot of things that rules. Steam powered Nazi zombies. Giant fighting robots. Samurais. Dragons. And crazy bitches all locked together in an asylum. And you know what happens when you lock crazy bitches up together?! They dance. I totally thought they would just start making out with or something. The first chick is played by I don’t care to look her name up. In the movie she is Babydoll. And by Cthulhu she’s hot! Even though she is almost the opposite of what I like in chicks (skinny, super blond hair, giant eyes) but for some reason it works on her. And look at that skirt! Apparently she does a dance so sexy it makes people cry. I cried. In my pants! A lot of people were pissed that they didn't actually show the dance in the movie. I didn't care. It gave me the chance to imagine what it could've been. I have never seen something so sexy that it moved me to tears. Maybe it just hasn't happened yet. God, I feel bad for whatever woman makes that happen to me. Its never a good thing when a man has a boner and tears rolling down his cheek.

Theater Whore: Sucker Punch

“If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.”

Holy shit. I swear. I was excited about this movie months ago after Alex told me about the trailer. I watched it, wiped my pants off, and patiently waited until this came out. Some people said it looked silly. Some said it looked like it wouldn’t be good. I said “I don’t care what this movie is like. If there are hot chicks wearing almost nothing and shooting robots and shit, I’ll see it.”

I got what I wanted! I got what I wanted and more. I will try not to spoil this too much because I want people to see this movie and still have some surprises if they see it. Before I get started allow me to state how amazing the soundtrack for this film was. I will be buying it this week because I haven’t gotten this many goose bumps from music in a film since Goodfellas and Snatch.