Theater Whore: Don't Breathe

Don't Breathe 5/10

There will be super spoilers. I finally got to see the movie Don't Breathe. I'd wanted to see it since the creepy a trailer came out but over time lost excitement when I realized what was happening. I was watching a new thriller (not horror like people keep saying). And in new thrillers I tend to hate the “victims” so much that when they are killed I don't care all that much. This stars Jane Levy as Rocky. She the girl. Dylan Minnette is Alex. He the kinda nerdy guy that may survive. And Daniel Zovatto plays Money and he has cornrows so automatically he has to die. That isn't really a spoiler its in the trailer.

These three rob houses for fun in Detroit using information from his father's company that does security. One day Money finds out about this house owned by a veteran named Norman played by Stephen Lang that is supposed to be filled with cash. He got the money after someone killed his daughter in a car crash. By the way, if you ever break into a house or stumble into a house and old family footage is playing on the TV, someone is about to die. I grew up in the 80's. I know this shit. They show and up and see he is blind but don't give a damn. They manage to break into his super secure house and they end up waking the man.

The old man plays like he doesn't quite know what is happening and then suddenly the tables turn and he has Money's own gun in his face and is about to kill him, asking who else he is with. He says no one and gets his face blown off. The hunt then begins and by hunt I mean an episode of Looney Toons. He chases Rocky and Alex all through the house, they have to dodge his big ass dog, and multiple concussions because when this old man catches and beats their ass he chokes and punches the hell out of them. At one point they make it downstairs and find a woman tied up.

This is where the movie turns into something else and that something else turned this from a 9 rating to a 5.

The woman he has tied up is the one that killed his daughter. They are about to leave her until she shows them a newspaper showing her crime. Why did she have it? Don't know. But her mouth is taped and she is tied up. They manage to save her only for her to have her brains blown out by Norman. More escapes are made and Alex gets killed too. Rocky gets caught and the blind dude tells her that the woman that killed his daughter that he now killed because he shoots like a blind man was gonna have his baby. Yeah. He tells Rocky that he ain't no rapist or nothing but jammed his sperm up in her with a turkey baster to get her pregnant. Just when he is about to use the baster on Rocky that nerd Alex is back from the dead and knocks out the blind man and they tie him up. Rocky then jams the sperm filled baster in his mouth.

My face when that shit happened.

They don't wanna call the police because they are thieves. Rocky does not want to leave the money either. They open the door to leave and the blind man somehow managed to get free and for real kills Alex. Rocky stops out front the house all neener-neener-neener saying the blind man has no power. Then he sicks his dog on her. She gets back to the car and there is no key, she traps the dog, and suddenly the blind man appears and brings her back to his place for a baster party. She sets off his alarm which conveniently fucks his ears up, knocks blind man out, and she gets away with the money after knocking him down stairs that should have killed him. She is later ready to leave for L.A with her little sister when she sees a news report showing the old man is alive after killing two intruders. So, yay, right?

Why is her cheap ass taking a train to L.A? She has $300,000! The old man had amazing hearing and super powers at times and others none at all. It was super inconsistent. Everyone was an asshole and I wanted the blind man to kill everyone until it turned out he was holding someone hostage and forcing her to have a new kid for him. That whole twist did nothing but turn his character from a grieving father being robbed by a bunch of dicks into a fucking sexual deviant and I thought his dead daughter was better off. This movie had the potential to be really good but I ended up just sighing. Its not a long movie so you should just wait until its on cable or rent it later.

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