Whitney Houston died from drowning which most likely was caused from all the shit in her body that had no business being there. Anything else? Nope. I think we’ve covered all the bases now.
A video of her daughter Bobbi Kristina smoking a bong last year has popped up. This kid needs to go somewhere for a while. Somewhere jailish. Or hospitalish. Those are not real words so don’t use them. Your friends will laugh at you.
Jennifer Lopez rented a chunk of Long Beach so she could play with her kids including the child she is dating, Casper Smart. This is so no one takes photos of her or bothers her. So while looking at a photo of her playing with her kids on the beach I wondered how effective this was.
Singer Montell Jordon ("This is how we do it!") is in trouble for not paying taxes. That sucks since no party is a real party unless his song plays.
Jennifer Love Hewitt says that she dabs vanilla extract on her neck and that men love it. No men could be reached for comment since she is lying her ass off.
Someone smashed Octomom’s car window and left a note saying “Leave California or you will die.” They get a B- for effort and a D+ for execution. Looking at that note makes me realize how often no one writes by hand anymore.
I saw a close up picture of Madonna and jumped.
Seal and Heidi Klum’s divorce is about to get oog-lay. She wants primary custody of the kids while he wants equal’s. They both also want to deny spousal support for one another which makes sense since he’s worth $15 million and she’s worth $70 million. How did that happen?!
Drunk ass Amanda Bynes’ father came out and said that his daughter doesn’t drink. Guess he didn’t see the video of her drunkenly being carried out a bar or photographers shouting to valet to not give her the keys to her car since she was bombed out of her mind.
Some chick says Lindsay Lohan attacked her. For once she is innocent since she wasn’t at the place where this allegedly happened. Some are even speculating it may have been the drunk chick in the paragraph above.
Jessica Simpson is still pregnant.
Melissa Etheridge and her former girlfriend Tammy Lynn Michaels’ breakup continues to get nastier. If you want over $20,000 a month from me I will…I don’t even know! Even if I made a million a month and someone asked for that much I would lose my shit. And there’s accusations of burning kids with cigarettes.
Since his divorce from Katy Perry it seems that Russell Brand is hellbent on being a jackass. When he’s not attacking people or launching cell phones he’s burning money. Literally. What a dick.
Actress Anne Hathaway cut her hair really short and that was a terrible fucking decision. She looks like a character from Oliver Twist now.
Beyonce was photographed out in a bathing suit looking delicious as a plate of bacon. That’s a good thing.
Kim Kardashian is being sued for overselling a hair removal product. I could make some horrible Armenian joke but she already did that. “Being Armenian and hairy, I thought [TRIA] was the perfect product.” See?!
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver may still be divorcing. I swear I thought that shit had happened already! I mean, he had a kid with the maid. Not just slept with her even though she looked like someone beat Miss Piggy with a skillet. He produced another human being with her!
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