The Kardashian family is happy about the fact that their daughter Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are together…despite the fact that she is still married to Kris Humphries who is still planning on suing reality TV. I love how funny that sounds. Next year I’m taking drama to court. What a maroon.
The Dog Whisperer Cesar Milan is getting a divorce and he is gonna be paying out the ass! He’s going to have to pay $23,000 a month plus $10,000 for child support. Fuck that! I don’t care if you eat gold for breakfast and diamonds for dinner, you shouldn’t get that much money during a divorce.
Suge Knight is mad that the ghost of Tupac that played at Coachella last week didn’t have on a Death Row necklace. Really? Really? He says no one has seen Tupac dead. Uh, I have. Autopsy pictures. So there’s that.
Miley Cyrus was rushed to the ER after cutting her finger while making a meal. That’s the story they’re telling us. I believe that she bit her finger trying to use her hands for the first time. You know good and damn well she eats with her feet!
Jonah Hill is fat again.
Lindsay Lohan may be investigated for allegedly attacking some broad at the Standard Hotel. What did I say? It was gonna be less than two weeks until she was in trouble for some shit. This is a new story at the same place as the first chick that got into it with her. How fucking hard is it to just drink at home?! Oh, and her dad Michael Lohan was there. Yay!
Dennis Rodman is finally getting divorced. Yeah, I didn’t know he was married either. Apparently it took eight years for the shit to be finalized.
Dick Clark died last week of…being over 80 years old. Or a heart attack.
That fat kid from Lean On Me named Jermaine Hopkins is getting 30 days in jail for getting caught with 200 pounds of weed. He struck a plea deal saving him from spending five years in there.
Thomas Beatie aka The Pregnant Man and his wife are separated. He’s had three kids and a new penis. Someone should’ve told him those things were nothing but trouble.
Justin Bieber is making fun of that crazy chick Mariah Yeater who said she was pregnant with his baby a while back. I think he needs to settle the hell down. “Dear mariah yeeter...we have never met...so from the heart i just wanted to say…” Fool didn’t even spell her name right.
Jessica Simpson is still pregnant.
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