Heidi Klum and Seal are finally in the process of getting a divorce. For months he was all like “You remain my power my pleasure my pain!” Then she got mad at him for singing his songs at her. I wonder if his penis looks like his cheeks. I’m not being mean! I’m curious.
Tyler Perry was pulled over by two White cops. Not sure why but I’m gonna hazard a guess and say its because he makes very shitty films. “RACIAL PROFILING SHOULD BE A HATE CRIME INVESTIGATED BY THE FBI!!!” Sure. Way to clog the courts with every Black person ever.
Lisa Robyn Kelly from That 70’s Show who was arrested for spousal abuse last week was interviewed and said that she wasn’t on anything. “Absolutely not. There is nothing that I was on or abusing at that time.” She does know we saw the mugshot, right?
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have hooked up! Now, for those of you that don’t understand why this is gross let me give you some history. West was dating Amber Rose for a long ass time until they just split all of a sudden. Who is Amber Rose?
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| This is Amber Rose. |
West and Kardashian got together when she was still with NFL player Reggie Bush and West was with Rose. Fast forward to Kardashian being with Kris Humphries and all hell breaks loose! Did you know that by proxy West has slept with Whitney Houston since Ray J who slept with Kardashian also banged Houston. Now Kardashian is walking around with hickies on her neck. Ew!
A Burger King ad featuring Mary J. Blige singing about a new chicken sandwich was pulled after people got mad that she was singing about chicken. What the fuck?! Get ready to have Black people pulled from Kool Aid and lotion ads as well.
Drew Barrymore might be pregnant. Let’s all hope not! She’s as stable as the surface of the sun.
Levi Johnston is being accused of being a deadbeat dad to his son Tripp who he had with Bristol Palin. Jesus, these names are killing me. Oh, and he got another chick pregnant. I still say we need some kinda Hunger Games you have to go through to get people pregnant. The shit’s too easy.
Former actress (that term is used very lightly) Amanda Bynes got arrested in West Hollywood for drunk driving. Keep this loopy bitch out of my neighborhood! Oh, and she hit a cop car.
Tila Tequila is out of rehab. This is more a warning for the public than actual news.
The Situation is out of rehab now too. Fuck. Its just not safe outdoors anymore!
Cuba Gooding Jr. is being accused of having happy hands with some chicks at a bar in New Mexico. This is the most press he’s gotten in years.
Cissy Houston, the mother of Whitney, is upset that her daughter is still on drugs. That’s like my mother being upset that I’m single with no kids. Sometimes things are so obvious you cant be upset.
And Jessica Simpson is still pregnant!
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| "Dick!!!" |
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