Theater Whore: The Hunger Games

Wow. So disappointed. So very…ugh. A few weeks ago I gave the book The Hunger Games a review (which you can read here). I liked the book fine though it jumped off the rails towards the end. This movie did it from the very beginning in ways that are totally unacceptable. I wont give a detailed description of what the story is about but I will mention it a bit to point out why things made no sense.

Spoilers o’plenty!

For 70-something years The Hunger Games have taken place to show the poor people of the twelve Districts that they should think twice before starting another revolution against the Capitol. One boy and girl from each district is choosing to compete to the death with one person being the winner. Got it? Okay. This entire event is televised and the competitors get sponsors that send gifts during the game to help you win.

Still with me? Good.

"Uh..."

Katniss Everdeen played by Jennifer Lawrence is the main star. She trades herself in when her little sister is chosen to compete which has never been done. Now, this is supposed to be a very emotional moment but it really isn’t. Truth be told, the District she lives in, 12, doesn’t seem that damned bad in the movie. This film assumes that you have read the book and know that when they leave their District that hovercrafts pick you up and execute you. This is not mentioned and barely implied.

Jennifer Lawrence showing ten emotions at once. 

When Katniss gets to the Capitol she is amazed at how they live. Or at least I assume she is since for whatever reason Jennifer Lawrence cant express emotion. I swear to Cthulhu, she looks dead in this movie. Just blank stares 90% of the time she is on screen. The other 10% is her in pain.

There were things I was looking forward to seeing like the fire cape. When it happened I was like “That’s it? Are you fucking serious?” You never get the sense that she had Peeta Mellark played by Josh Hutcherson are in danger from the other contestants before the games begin. Just a mild interest from them.

"Shouldn't I be, like, training to not die?"

I hate to keep bringing up the book, but fuck it, I have to. These games are the biggest deal, okay? Everyone watches the shit. Its like the world stops for it. I didn’t get that feeling. When Katniss says bye to her sister and mother it had no real emotion because they forgot to bring up the fact that the family survives because Katniss does every goddamn thing for them! Food, cleaning, cooking, hunting, bathing, everything! Her father’s death is shown in a flashback that makes no sense if you didn’t read the book.

Killing birds or people. There's no difference.

One of my main concerns was that since Katniss life is told internally, that the movie would be very silent. I was right to be concerned. There are points where I thought “Wow, they could’ve really used some music right about now!” They fill in blanks by having commentators explain things like the Tracker Jacker bugs and how their poison affects you. That whole part where she is told to get water and she almost dies from dehydration in the book? Not to worry! She finds water immediately and never gets thirsty. The Hunger Games don’t seem that fucking hard!!!

Some people are concerned with the amount of violence in this film. Don’t be. You have seen far more violent things on an episode of Pokemon. It was a fucking cop out and they should be ashamed of themselves. When the kids die it doesn’t even matter because they spent no fucking time showing who they were and what skills they had. But they did spend a lot of time showing shit that wasn’t in the book!

His beard is getting more press than anything else.

Wes Bentley had far too much screen time for someone who shouldn’t have been here. In the book you know producers are fucking with the game to make it more interesting. But they show every single aspect of the fuckitry. Its heavy handed and not needed.

Oh, there’s something else I need to point out. There’s this little girl named Rue. She is good at hiding and her District is known for growing plants and using herbal remedies. If you didn’t know that then the fact that she fixed Katniss up seems very strange. They make a bond that is force fed in this movie and when she dies it made me go “And?”

I had a Tropic Thunder flashback of Ben Stiller not being able to cry on camera here. 

Then her District fucking riots!

When the fuck did that happen?! Is it in the second or third book?! Its like “Oh, after 74 games of this shit now we’re gonna riot because a cute, curly haired child got killed!” And I hope no girls went to see this film for Liam Hemsworth because he has about three minutes screen time. And there is so much screen time. Normally I don’t complain about long films. I like watching movies. But I felt every bit of the over two hours of this. My lord it seemed to last forever.

"Hi. I'm Liam Hemsworth and I'm in this movie."

I could seriously go on and on about how much I didn’t like this movie. From the bad camera work, the ridiculous dialogue, the fact that life didn’t seem that damned bad, the shaky CGI, and the rushed ass ending. This movie was like getting a terrible blowjob from a really hot girl.

If you enjoyed this movie I would love to hear why. I’m not gonna argue with you. Even as a straight up film its just bad. This isn’t Battle Royale because I liked that film. Hell, its not even Series 7 The Contenders. Its just a cash cow that will be milked until it gives dust.

Main Complaints.

1. The Mockingjay pin she receives is completely different and now lacks special meaning.

2. I never felt that Katniss was in any real danger from anyone.

3. The ending is completely changed making the rest of the film seem ridiculous.

4. No character development. You only know Katniss can use a bow and arrow because Peeta mentions it once and she shoots a bird at the beginning.

5. Camera effects that make you think the film is about earthquakes.