There’s a porn tape being shopped around featuring Hulk Hogan. Now we’ll really get to see if he has a 24 inch python or not. Oh, I had to make that joke! Come on! He doesn’t even remember who the chick he is banging in the video is. That always makes girls feel better by the way. “When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside…”
Actor Dennis Quaid is getting a divorce. This is the good Quaid. His brother Randy is fucking bizarre.
Former actress (?) Amanda Bynes got pulled over by cops and left while they were writing the ticket. She turned herself in later and will likely get a slap on the wrist. Really?
It turns out that Kia Stevens aka Awesome Kong aka Kharma aka my next ex wife did not have a child at the end of last year. It was stillborn. Which sucks. The nation of Dantania sends its condolences.
Rush Limbaugh is still in the shitter after calling Sandra Fluke a “prostitute” and “slut” for wanting the government to pay for contraception. Sponsors are leaving and even singer Peter Gabriel doesn’t want him using his music as his theme song anymore.
Jessica Simpson posed on the cover of Elle doing the good old Demi Moore pregnancy pose. Lots of people have wanted to see her naked for years. But not like this. Not like this! I feel like the Russian chick in The Matrix before they pulled her plug.
Retired NFL player Eddie George is adamant saying that he is not cheating on his wife with a pro golfer, Rachel Connor. Dude, riding shotgun with her as she gets pulled over for a DUI is not gonna help your cause. Either way, you can definitely tell that he has a type.
Waste of my oxygen Tila Tequila is entering rehab after several false suicide threats. Expect more reality shows featuring her and the results.
There were two celebrity cell phone photo hacks. Olivia Munn (yawn) and Christina Hendricks (bazinga!!!). I have seen the photos and am quite pleased with myself. Meaning I pleasured myself leaving me pleased.
Chris Brown’s former and current girlfriends are fighting on Twitter. Moving on…
NFL quarterback Tim Tebow has confirmed that he will not be on The Bachelor. Did people really believe he would?! Asses.
Eva Longoria and Penelope Cruz’s brother Eduardo have split. Who knew they were dating?! Who cared?! Who put the bop in the bopshewhopshebop?!
Whitney Houston left her daughter Bobbi pretty much everything in her will. As she gets older she will get more….friends. Because people are gonna be clinging to her like a mofo now!
Gabriel Aubry, former lover of Halle Berry, is not gonna be charged with child endangerment after accusations of assaulting the nanny who was holding his daughter. Seriously, just get rich, everyone. You’ll have free license to do almost whatever you want. Except drunk driving and pot possession. But by 2015 even that wont matter.
Kris Humphries is still taking reality TV to court and plans on representing himself. I hope he knows its not like in the movies. He will end up making a fool of himself.
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| "And now here’s some nonsense!" |
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