Snooki from The Jersey Shore is pregnant. Or not. It depends on how much you’re offering for the story about her being pregnant which she likely is. Doesn’t seem like the contraceptive looking type. Know what I’m sayin’? If that kid is born this year, which it will be, its going down. This is what brings upon The Rapture.
Marston Hefner, son of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, has been charged with beating his girlfriend. I bet he listens to Chris Brown music.
Davy Jones from The Monkees died this week. Which sucks because unlike The Beatles, I actually liked their music.
Angelina Jolie flashed her leg at The Oscar’s which got everyone excited. Then they looked at her arms and screamed. I was damn near inconsolable for hours afterwards.
Britney Spears and her former bodyguard Pussy McLameass have reached some sort of agreement in the case he had against her. Allegedly she would come on to him and flash him. He would then weep and hide in a corner like a scared squirrel.
Turns out that Taylor Swift looks better without makeup on. Which is like me choosing to have unpredictable diarrhea than vomiting all damned day. Now she’s gonna write a mean song about me.
Lindsay Lohan and her dad Michael aren’t fucking up lately but his ex girlfriend is! Kate Major got boozed up and attacked three people. I guess if you sleep with a Lohan you start to act like them. Speaking of acting…
Can we all stop pretending that Lindsay was a good actress? I ask people “Name a good movie she was in” and people cant because it has never happened! If anything she is in okay films with lots of other people. She is as much of an actress since she has been in movies as I am a reporter because I report on shit.
Jaleel White better known as Steve Urkel is going to be on the next season of Dancing With The Stars. I swear if he doesn’t “Do the Urkel” I riot.
Former Laker and current Dallas Maverick Lamar Odom aka Khloe Kardashian’s beard is being sent to the minor leagues for a bit. Apparently he plays like shit in Texas. And that’s it for the sports report!
Chris Brown snatched some poor girls cell phone for trying to take a picture of him. After OJ Simpson if you get off easy for something you know that a dumb ass crime will be what brings you down.
And for no reason Torrie Wilson!
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