Lindsay Lohan says that she is focused on getting her acting career back on track. That’s like me saying I want to get my parkour career back on track since I jumped over stuff and ran at one point in my life. Can we stop pretending she can act now?
Actress (?!) Lisa Robin Kelly from That 70’s Show was arrested for spousal abuse. Find her mug shot. Okay. Now find a picture of her from the show. Great googly moogly!!!
Its been confirmed that cocaine was found in Whitney Houston’s hotel room following her death. And brace yourself for this bit of news: I’m 6’1” and Black! That’s it for Obvious Shit!
Octomom is getting $2,000 a month from welfare. Fuck her and fuck the system for this shit. She is the one that decided to have fourteen fucking goddamn ass shit children and taxes that I have to pay and then fight to get crumbs from are helping her feed these future prison inmates.
There is no reason on Earth to have more than four kids unless you live on a farm. I am fully aware that I have four older brothers and one younger sister totaling six of us and we did not live on a farm. And look at how we turned out! Use my life as a warning.
Last week there was a National Cleavage Day and not a single woman I know sent me any pictures. You should all be shamed. "But Dante, you only like thighs..." Logic has no place here!!!
Kim Kardashian was photographed in a bikini. That’s not really news or anything. She does it all the damned time. But…her ass looks weird. There comes a point where an ass is big but there’s a line. I don’t know the name for it so let’s call it Under Booty. She doesn’t have it.
Katy Perry is the new spokesperson--woman--for Adidas. I cant for the life of me picture her ever wearing those shoes. Picture me in an ad for Whole Foods. Did your nose bleed just trying to imagine that? Mine too.
Alec Baldwin who is almost as old as my parents is engaged to a girl that is younger than me. I hope he is saving up for that divorce.
A company has released a poll showing the ten most overexposed celebrities. The ratings system is confusing as hell to me so don’t ask me for clarification.
1. Kim Kardashian, 65%
2. Lindsay Lohan, 64%
3. Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, 64%
4. Nadya “Octomom” Suleman, 62%
5. Paris Hilton, 60%
6. Kate Gosselin, 57%
7. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, 56%
8. Kourtney Kardashian, 53%
9. Levi Johnston, 51%
10. Khloe Kardashian, 51%
Taylor Swift was made fun of at the music awards for country music. The jokes weren’t funny neither was the look on her face since she has one look. Yes. The one you just pictured.
Bruce Willis and his wife Emma Heming have had a daughter. They named her Mabel Ray since we have traveled back to 1838 where names like Mabel are accepted.
Lady Gaga turned 26. A hard 26.
Jessica Simpson is still very, very pregnant.
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| "It appears the tables have done the turn!" - Wiggles cried in a catnip fueled rage. |
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