Theater Whore: Lockout

I had heard about this movie Lockout starring Guy Pearce about a dude that gets convicted for a murder that he didn’t commit only to be asked to save the President’s daughter played by Maggie Grace aka The Dumb Daughter From Taken. Before you see this movie remember that logic has no place here. You hear people say “Check your brain at the door.” That is a very fitting assessment of this movie.

Do not attempt to figure out his accent.

Snow is captured after a pretty cool fight scene followed by one of the worst CGI motorcycle chase scenes you may ever see in a movie. During his interrogation Peter Stormare lets him know that he is going to space camp. Kidding. Space prison where dudes are kept in stasis. The President’s daughter is also there making sure prisoners are being, uh, treated…well?

"Nailed it" he said in the middle of the audition.

Next thing you know prisoners get loose and all hell breaks out. There are 500 free, one of whom is Snow’s friend that has information he really needs. You will learn very quickly to hate Maggie Grace’s character by the way. Everything she does defies logic. She believes everything obvious lunatics tell her. Would you believe a word this guy says?!

Rape. It's what's for dinner. And breakfast, and lunch, and a light snack. Of rape.

Exactly! But she does and it does nothing but get a bunch more people killed. This movie isn’t all terrible. Snow is a very likable character and you know there’s a lot more to him than is shown in this one movie. Which kinda sucks because I felt like I was jumping into a movie that had already started.

In the future bad tattoos are mandatory. 

At one point to keep her safe Snow takes the President’s daughter and cuts her hair and uses oil and toilet water to give her a new look. Yes, this actually works.

Oh, lord...

Fast forward to more convoluted ass story and attacks on the prison station, that has massive guns by the way, and all ends well. I shit you not this movie has a very happy ending. Don’t bother seeing this. It feels like something that should’ve been on cable but made its way to theaters.