Theater Whore: Les Miserables

I have officially watched every single movie that was nominated for best picture at the 2013 Academy Awards! If you wanna hear me and Cam talk about the awards before they started click here for our Rockets & Chicken blog. You didn’t know we had another blog? Well, we do, Mary. So check it out. I saw Les Miserables and my god does this movie live up to the title! It should’ve been called We All Die To Music.

This movie is sadness o’plenty! It starts off with Wolverine being held prisoner with hundreds of other guys pulling boat parts ashore while Gladiator berates him. Wolverine thinks he is free until he is informed that he must stay longer and he’s  like “Fuck that noise!” and escapes. He lives on the streets and gets his ass beat by life until after stealing from a church he is forgiven and starts a new life eventually becoming a mayor.

Meanwhile Catwoman is working at a place that makes…stuff. The women there hate her because she is hot and steal a note from her that states that she is pregnant. The guy running the sweatshop is pissed because he was trying to get all up in that and has her thrown out. Wolverine sees this and feels bad. Gladiator shows up and suspects that Wolverine is someone that he used to know but Wolverine, now Logan, is like “Uh…I think you’re mistake me for someone else.” Catwoman becomes a hooker the first night she is out in the streets and also has her hair cut and teeth pulled for money for her unborn child. Its all very sad.

Catwoman has a child and dies because that’s what people did back then. Her child is raised by Borat and Tim Burton’s wife for years until Wolverine shows up and buys her from them. They live a life on the run while Gladiator keeps popping up everywhere he goes. You’d swear that Paris was three blocks large! There’s a whole French war going on and these young ones are fighting it. I wasn’t all that interested but this one chick who I shall call Thin Waist likes a guy who likes Catwoman’s daughter, Giant Eyes McGee, who is now 17 or so which means she’s an old maid.

Such a tiny waist!

This movie was okay. That seems to be my answer to most of the big movies from last year. I’d probably watch it again if it were on TV. Anne Hathaway was good in it but her part isn’t super long. Hugh Jackman went through the most changes and he was good. Not too big on Russell Crowe though. His voice stuck out like a sore thumb when he sang even in large groups. It was like “Lalalalala I’M RUSSELL CROWE AND YOU SHALL ACKNOWLEDGE MY SINGING!”