Worst Movies Of 2012 According To Dante

Every year it happens. You go to see a movie and all you want to do is shove popcorn in your ears and throw salt in your eyes so that you no longer have to endure such pain as seeing a terrible ass film. If there’s one thing I cant stand its hot chicks that hate my face. And bad movies. Man, do I hate a bad movie.

This year there seemed to be more “Meh…” films than bad ones but when they were bad, by god, they made sure that they were bad on multiple levels. Funny enough, the worst films were the ones with the biggest budgets. If you wanna see my list of Best Movies Of 2012 click all up in this sentence.

Theater Whore: Total Recall

In the future there are even lens flares underground. I watched Total Recall because I like to punish my brain sometimes. I have to even out the reading and creative shit with just ridiculous crap like this. I know that people are comparing this to the old Schwarzenegger version but I honestly cant since the only things I remember about that film is Arnold’s bulging eyes when he cant breathe, a fight with Sharon Stone, and a chick with three boobs. Which does happen in this version and it not as hot as you’d think.

This should be hot...

The world has been fucked up by a huge chemical war where the last two safe places to live are the United Federation of Britain and The Colony, where the poor folk live. Colin Farrell stars as Douglas Quaid who works at a place that builds these androids that police stuff. Quaid keeps having this strange ass dreams where he and this hot chick are running from the law and he gets captured. He wakes up and his wife Lori played by Kate Beckinsale is like “Don’t worry it is just a dream…idiot” so Quaid decides to go to work and visit Rekall place where they can make any fantasy you have real in your head. Oh, I have to mention the way Quaid gets to work. Its this fucking thing called “The Fall” which is a giant shuttle drill that goes through the damned core of the planet to get to the other side. Fuck that.