Fap Files: Older Women

Ever since I was a young boy I had a thing for older women. If you are between the age of 38 and 50 chances are we would get along great. It never helped that I never went through a “Ew, girls!” phase. My poor teacher Ms. Stewart didn’t stand a chance with my pervy little ass. I was recently watching a movie and saw an actress and said “I’d totally wreck her old ass.” And that inspired this weeks Fap File. Also, I am fully aware that I have not posted enough of these this year so it will now be a weekly thing to keep me on track. For a few weeks.

Joan Allen

Joan which I call her because we're close like that is 56 years old and hot. I remember when I was watching her in one of the Bourne movies and thought “Man, she is mean…and makes my pants tight.” She’s been in a shit ton of movies including one of the best films of all time Face/Off. I’m sure some of you think I picked a bad photo of her. I picked one where she wasn’t slathered in makeup on purpose. Hey. Its my Fap File and I can use whatever photo I want. So there!

Helen Mirren

This woman is almost 70 years old. She is more than twice my age. She is elderly. And my dick is afraid of her. Seriously. I’ve read about her past and as much shit as I would want to talk she would break my junk in six. She is known for her cans but she is pretty and looks great in a bathing suit.

Mary Steenburgen 

I was watching Stepbrothers recently and was looking at it in a different way. Steenburgen is 59 and better looking than a bunch of 20-something’s running around. I found out that she has been married to Ted Danson for years and that bothers the bejeezus out of me. That guys head looks like a panel van. She recently became a grandmother so she is officially a GILF. Yeah, I went there.

Angela Bassett 

This woman is 54 and has been hot for decades. I used to confuse her for Nia Long. She, like many of the actresses on this list, have done some amazing films and then went and did some ridiculous ones. She is more muscular than I like but I’m a forgiving man and would let her touch me. I’m just that nice of a guy. Damn, she’s hot. I’d wreck that.

Katey Sagal 

Ever since I was a kid I’ve been into this lady. Then for some reason she started to get hotter the older she got. Made no sense but I accepted it for what it was. The work of an amazing god. And the madder she looks the hotter she looks. Which says a lot about me. What does it say? I don’t know. Its hard to write with one hand and think at the same time.

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