Theater Whore: A Royal Affair

Once again I went to the Sundance Theater up on Sunset. Me and Cam had been meaning to see a movie for a while and she keeps up on all the classy films that get awards unlike me who wants to see things based on how many explosions are in the trailer. Our choices were Flight and A Royal Affair and after watching the trailer for Flight I feel like I’ve seen the film so we chose the latter. So glad that we did since this was really good. I normally hate movies based around time periods where people wore way too many layers.

Too much!

A young girl, Caroline Mathilde, is heading to Denmark to become the new queen of King Christian VII. She has never met him and has heard all these stories of how cultured and handsome he is. She gets there and dude is hiding behind a tree acting like a total weirdo. And by weirdo I mean lunatic. He hates that everyone thinks she is so damned artsy when he is the real talented one. Caroline spends most of her time looking sad even after she has her first kid.

Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop!

Elsewhere this guy Johann Friedrich Struensee, who I will just call Ze German from now on because fuck typing that name repeatedly, is brought in as part of a plan to influence this crazy ass king. The king likes him because he knows Shakespeare and everything gets better. The king stops acting as crazy. Yay.

"Just sign n'yere...and n'yere."

Ze German and Caroline start liking each other and eventually boning. She and the king sleep in separate rooms since he’d rather bang whores. Ze German was part of the Enlightenment which was a movement to cut the bullshit and treat each other right. The Council is like “Whoa whoa whoa! No!” Ze German convinces the king to pass laws that he previously would not have. The king would just sign shit without reading it but when told to act like a king and treat these meetings like a play it began to work.

"Candygram!!!"

The people are happy but behind the scenes all the rich people are getting pissed off. Caroline ends up getting pregnant from Ze German and she has to sleep with the king just to trick him into thinking the kid is his. Which is totally rude. Things are fine until sheet sniffing maids reveal that they were fucking.

Ah, ye olde foreplay...

This movie does not have a happy ending. I don’t think these type of films do. I mean, like, villagers get tortured and cough once and drop like flies. The queen ends up being exiled and her kids taken away, the king becomes a puppet and plays with his pet negro, and Ze German gets his head sliced off, and the queen dies from a disease. Fuck. Even though it sounds super depressing this was a really good film and if the theater wasn’t so classy I would’ve talked through it more.

Don't want!