Sunday, March 16, 2014

Babbling Old Man: Return Of The Killer Tomatoes

So H., Beastman, and I watched Return Of The Killer Tomatoes. This movie was made in 1988. I'd seen the first film and I don't remember it being as silly as this one. Of course, since I was less than 10 years old when it came out my opinion can't be trusted. There are a bunch of films that left good memories that need to be left that way. As an adult I ask far too many logical questions when watching silly things from the past. When watching Tom & Jerry I saw “Ow!” more often than I laugh now.

This movie is silly as hell. It takes place about ten years after the original Great Tomato War. No one can eat or own tomatoes since its illegal so Wilbur Finletter from the original film owns a pizza shop that makes pizzas with no tomatoes. Now...just because you can't use tomatoes doesn't mean that the shit you make has to be weird. Everyone is eating pizzas with candy and vegetables on it.Its gross and weird and I'd just have a burger. His nephew Chad works with him as a delivery boy and has his roommate Matt played by George Clooney who I am sure wold destroy every copy of this movie if he could.

The evil scientist Professor Mortimer Gangreen is played by John Astin aka Gomez Addams. He is still making tomato people and has two that he works with. One is Igor who wants to be a TV reporter one day and his cook/cleaner/sex slave named Tara. She gets tired of his evil ways and finds her way into Chad's bed. She's 80's hot. You remember that version of hot, right?

We shall never forget...

Chad gets dragged around the city by Tara who is amazed with the world and has an obsession with making toast. She also brings a weird mutant tomato with her covered in fuzz named FT (Fuzzy Tomato) that makes strange sounds to communicate. They eventually battle the evil professor who uses Rambo based tomato men as security in his plan to clone famous people and replace them with his clones. When they hear music they turn back into tomatoes and depending on what type of music is played the clones can change. The song that defeated them previously was called “Puberty Love.” It is a horrible song.

Product placement is used to finish the rest of the film. 

Watching these old movies makes me happy that whatever form of drugs that was floating around no longer exists. Those drugs spawned a crazy, fun type of creativity I'll admit, but, wow. So many drugs. I wasn't aware that there were more of these movies made after this but there are. Not sure if or when I'll see them but I'm pretty sure whose home I'll be at if it happens.

Click here for previous Babbling Old Man

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