The Review: Hotel Artemis

Hotel Artemis 4/10

This movie was not terrible. It just seemed like whoever directed Hotel Artemis was out of their depth. There is a really good cast of people including Jodie Foster, Sterling K. Brown, Sofia Boutella, Jeff Goldblum, Charlie Day, Brian Tyree Henry, Jenny Slate, Dave Bautista, and Zachary Quinto. Foster runs this hotel for criminals where the rules are that no weapons are allowed, no non members, and no killing of guests. Picture that hotel from John Wick but not as good. I like those kinda rules like when criminals still have some sort of guidelines they have to go by. This movie however seemed to break all these rules in one night. It didn't seem. It did. During an insane night filled with riots and curfews the most feared man that owns the hotel shows up, Foster has to operate on him, and killers that know each other from the past just happen to all be there at the same time.

Theater Whore: Elysium

The year is 2154 and everyone...is covered in filth! I mean everyone on Earth. Up in space shit is immaculate. In space no matter what booty cootie you have there are machines that will heal it. Could you imagine the level of strange sex you'd have if you could get healed that same say? I am so off topic. I finally saw Elysium and after watching it I have decided that this would have played out much better as a series and not a film.

This movie is about a lot of things. Social classes, the haves and the barely haves, technology, and dirty folks. They aren't on the level of Dirt People but they are very close. Matt Damon is an ex con that is trying to live his filthy life and likes this chick that has a daughter that is dying. He doesn't know that though. I'm not even sure he knows she has a kid. He gets fucked up at work after already getting his arm broken by the robot cops earlier. He is told that he has five days to live. Oh, and he gets bionic implants. Yay?

"Bad Mamma Jamma": Jodie Foster

In my never ending search for Bad Mamma Jamma's I find that I keep having to look to the past. I've gotten suggestions from friends and readers but the problem is that the women they mention have done one or two cool ass roles and disappeared and that's it. Otherwise I would include the little girl from Let The Right One In, Kick Ass, or even Pippi Longstocking. So I looked through movies I've seen starring women and the choice for today's BMJ ended up being obvious. I present to you, Jodie Foster!

Born in Los Angeles, CA, Foster ended up going to Yale but left due to some psychopath who shot Ronald Reagan who was obsessed with her. She went back after a semester. Before she even went to college she was in a shit ton of films and television like Taxi Driver, Bugsy Malone, Gunsmoke, and Saturday Night Live. She was nominated for some of these films being the youngest at the time to do so.

DVDiculous: The Brave One

Apparently killing folks is like eating potato chips: you cant stop at just one. This is what I’ve learned after watching The Brave One starring Jodie Foster. Well, I also learned that New York City is a place where everyone is just waiting for rob you at every turn. Literally. There was not one place this woman went where bad shit wasn’t happening!

White giiiiiirl...

So the movie is about a chick and her fiancé being in love which means that somebody has got to die. I mean, seriously. Who falls in love anymore? So while they’re walking through a park at night letting their dog run free--wait one goddamned second. Is it just me or are they asking to get fucked up? Anyway, they get cornered and the dude gets killed while the chick gets wrecked.