Theater Whore Jason Bourne

Jason Bourne 7/10

Last week me and Mala went to see Jason Bourne after filling our bodies with delicious bacon at Grub. This was a surprise trip to the theater because though I wanted to see this I wasn't expecting to opening day. It was early in the afternoon and I was surprised by how many people were in the theater. I am a huge fan of the Bourne films...except for that Jeremy Renner one which I haven't heard anyone say they enjoyed. I mean, seriously. That movie was a box of ass.

This takes place after the last time Matt Damon played Bourne. He spends his time punching people in the face and getting his ass kicked. I think he does it for cash. I don't recall seeing money change hands. Nicky Parsons played by Julia Stiles aka My 20 Year Crush shows up in Iceland still on the run from those Treadstone folks and hacks into their system. They find out that she stole some very sensitive information that will reveal some things to Bourne that would make him snap and kill all of their asses.

Theater Whore: The Martian

The Martian 9/10

This will have some spoilers. “I'm gonna science the shit out of this planet.” And he does! This is not Gravity. Its is not close to that film for a lot of reasons and I was happy for it. The Martian stars Matt Damon as a botanist stranded on Mars after a storm occurs and his crew is forced to leave him behind thinking he is dead. He's not and that sucks because he is stuck on Mars with enough food for a whole crew but not enough to, like, live forever.

The cast of this also includes Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig, Jeff Daniels, Michael Peña, Kate Mara, Donald Glover, Sean Bean, Sebastian Stan, Aksel Hennie, and Chiwetel Ejiofor. They are all really good and even some folks I didn't mention that have smaller parts. A lot of this movie is spent wanting Mark Watney played by Damon to survive. I laughed, I cheered, I screamed “Fuck!” when he did after something went wrong. Watney would spend parts of his days making video logs and complaining about the only music being available being disco which made the movie funnier.

Theater Whore: Elysium

The year is 2154 and everyone...is covered in filth! I mean everyone on Earth. Up in space shit is immaculate. In space no matter what booty cootie you have there are machines that will heal it. Could you imagine the level of strange sex you'd have if you could get healed that same say? I am so off topic. I finally saw Elysium and after watching it I have decided that this would have played out much better as a series and not a film.

This movie is about a lot of things. Social classes, the haves and the barely haves, technology, and dirty folks. They aren't on the level of Dirt People but they are very close. Matt Damon is an ex con that is trying to live his filthy life and likes this chick that has a daughter that is dying. He doesn't know that though. I'm not even sure he knows she has a kid. He gets fucked up at work after already getting his arm broken by the robot cops earlier. He is told that he has five days to live. Oh, and he gets bionic implants. Yay?