“I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m gonna take your life.”
Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Liam Hemsworth, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have arrived to kill anything that has the ability to produce life! Holy shit. Expendables 2 is one of those movies where ten years ago if you told me about it I would have called you a lying liar who lies. This movie gives you everything you wanted from the first film plus more.
This movie starts off with a group called, gasp!, The Expendables. They complete this crazy ass mission at the very beginning where Jet Li ends up leaving the movie. So if any of you were hoping to see him kicking folks in the face, too bad. He’s gone. There’s a new guy, a sniper named Billy the Kid and you’re just waiting for him to die. He’s happy, about to get married, and this is his last job. That is a recipe for disaster in films! The team are forced to take another job and take a dame with them who doesn’t even want to bone anyone! So they go on the mission and it all goes to shit when new guy is captured by JCVD! New guy won’t stop talking mad shit and gets a knife kicked through his heart! It was awesome.
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| Pictured: victim. |
JCVD plans to use this random ass village’s men to dig up plutonium and they keep dying because, well, they’re digging up fucking plutonium! He plans on getting it and selling it but The Expendables have other plans! They want some good old fashioned revenge and tell Bruce Willis “Fuck you! You never get your hands dirty and they killed our…friend?”
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| Yes, he does the split kick. |
They end up in this village where all the men have been taken and are ambushed. They run out of bullets and all of a sudden all of the bad guys start getting killed and a tank blows up for no damned reason. The team is like “The fuck…?” and from the smoke emerges Chuck fucking Norris. He’s just wandering through and decided to help out a little bit.
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| His real name is Carlos. Seriously. |
They find the bad guys and shoot the shit out of them and end up trapped in the mine until Arnold appears and saves them. Bruce shows up too and they chase down the bad guys and it leads to a fight between Stallone and JCVD. Pretty cool fight that thankfully wasn’t one-sided. JCVD plays a pretty good bad guy. I think it’s the accent. Accents make everyone sound evil.
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| Taco day at the retirement home gets hardcore. |
This movie was so damned cool. If you think its sucks it because you ended up in the wrong theater or something. I do have a few complaints though. There was more back story on Billy the Kid than any of the other guys compared. Also the use of fake CGI blood. I hate that movies use that stuff since it always looks super fake. One of the brightest shining lights was Dolph Lundgren’s character. Everything this guy does is golden and I wish he could have his own film. I’d so watch that shit.
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| Or he'll be under my bed at night. |
3 comments:
I loved this movie too, and was especially happy that it was more fun than the last one -and there'd better be another sequel. I'm still embarrassed by my teenage crush on Dolph Lundgren but was delighted he had more lines in this one. My fingers are crossed that JCVD's character has a twin brother, he was a great villain. My friends and I watched Bloodsport again recently, dear me. And Chuck Norris's Morricone theme really cracked me up. Yay Expendables!
Its crazy how much of his character is based off his real life. He was/is that damned smart and quit to be a bouncer.
Ah, I do love a man with a big throbbing brain. I had no idea he was a Fulbright scholar until it was mentioned in the film and so I looked it up and there it was.
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