Theater Whore: The Last Stand

I have heard and read some reviews for this movie that blatantly prove that folks don't actually watch the movies they are reviewing. “Arnold deputizes Johnny Knoxville and madness ensues!” While that does occur its such a small part of all the crazy shit that happens in this movie. It'd be like saying “Sigourney Weaver and Bill Paxton head into space and crazy things happen!” This movie, The Last Stand, was far better than I thought it was gonna be. The trailer made it look like a stupid buddy cop film where a small town is in danger. Nope. This film is violent as fuck. 

This drug lord that is gonna be executed Gabriel Cortez played by Eduardo Noriega is being taken to die by Forrest Whitaker and a bunch of cops until he makes the most ridiculous escape ever. I mean, this was ConAir levels of crazy reminiscent of a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. A giant magnet picks up his truck, cops are killed, he gets away, and kidnaps an agent played by Genesis Rodriguez. I mean, if you're gonna kidnap a chick kidnap the hottest one, right? He also happens to be in the fastest car ever. This thing goes faster than helicopters!

Meanwhile in Bumfuck, Arizona Sheriff Ray Owens played by Arnold Schwarzenegger is minding his business. Most of the town is gone for a football game and he has the day off. He sees some suspicious looking dudes in a diner and has their plates run but it comes up with nothing. His deputies are all lame. There's the young dude that wants more action, the older guy who's a chicken, and the woman who likes a bad boy played by Rodrigo Santoro who was Xerxes in 300 and not recognizable at all. An old dude ends up getting his ass killed by the ever insane Peter Stormare and his henchmen in preparation of the bad guy arriving. 

One of the things I liked most about this movie was the fact that blood was used. There have been lots of action films where there is no blood or worse the blood is that weird CGI blood that just appears on the wall after someone is shot. Also, the fact that when Arnold got hurt it seemed like he got hurt. When a shard of glass is in his leg he isn't doing spin kicks the next scene. The end fight is fucking awesome. I screamed “German suplex!” like an idiot. I love seeing wrestling moves in movies.

Whitaker plays such a bastard in this movie. No matter what he is told by the small town sheriff he dismisses it. Like I mentioned earlier, don't be fooled by the trailer. Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame is in this but he isn't a co-star. They made a huge mistake advertising him so much in the commercials. It's not that his character isn't good in the movie, its just that when you see his face you picture shopping carts crashing or “poocanoes.” Even though he is 65 years old, Arnold can still do a convincing fight scene. Check this out if you get the chance. Its worth seeing.