The Review: Doom Patrol S2E4

Doom Patrol S2E4 “Sex Patrol”

This episode had so much weird shit. Just when I thought something was strange a minute later something else would happen. This starts with a flashback showing Niles with Dorothy when she was living with Danny The Street. Even though she looks like a little girl she is old as fuck and Niles keeps treating her like a kid. I thought when she lived on Danny that she was partying down with everyone else. Nope! Niles had her underneath Danny all by herself and her imaginary friends. Candlemaker is getting stronger and keeps wanting her to do the opposite of what Niles says. She always ignores him except those few times when she makes a wish and crazy shit happens. A lot happens and I'll try to keep it in some form of order.

Dante Watches Psycho Yoga Instructor

Psycho Yoga Instructor 2/10



I watched a Lifetime movie about this woman that ends up hooking up with her yoga instructor after like two visits. It is cheesy as I imagined it would be. No one is likable. No one. I watched this so you don't have to.

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The Review: Lovecraft Country S1E1

Episode 1 “Sundown”

Full of spoilers. I finally started watching Lovecraft Country. The trailer for this looked intense so I expect that this show is gonna have me living in clenched city most of the time. And so far it did. I am also sure a lot of people have discovered what a “sundown town” is from this. Or that horrible looking movie Green Book. I can't be mad. I didn't know about the Tulsa massacre until watching Watchmen and going “Why does Wikipedia have a link to...oh fuck. That really happened.” This starts off with a guy named Tic riding a bus to Chicago with another woman. Oh, wait. It starts with an insane dream where Jackie Robinson saves him from Cthulhu. So, yeah. He is on a bus heading to Chicago with a Black woman when the bus breaks down. They all get off and a ride comes...for everyone not Black. They end up walking the rest of the way.

The Review: Doom Patrol Season 2 Episodes 2/3

Doom Patrol S2E2 “Tyme Patrol”

Full of spoilers. This show continues to be insane in the best ways possible. If you aren't watching Doom Patrol because of any preconceived notions you need to cut that shit out. This episode shows what Dorothy has been up to since we know she is Niles' daughter but not why he hasn't been taking care of her. We go back in time where she is being used as a circus sideshow freak along with her moose/wolf/bear creature and Niles is watching in the crowd. Last episode we just saw the aftermath of the carnage. This time we see it from Niles' perspective and the shit was honked up! Besides that furry monster mauling folks Candlemaker is destroying others. He spots Niles and gets all up in his business but doesn't kill him.

The Review: The Night Comes For Us

The Night Comes For Us 8/10

This movie The Night Comes For Us was suggested to me by Parker. This should have been called Violence: The Movie, because, holy shit. This is one of the most violent films I have ever seen. You know that scene in John Wick 3 when he slowly stabs that guy through the eye with a knife? That is soft as baby shit compared to what happens in this film. This is a two hour fight with a few scenes explaining the past history these characters have with one another. I'm not complaining. A story would have gotten in the way of all the violence. If you have a weak stomach you absolutely should not watch this because they show the stuff that a lot of other movies cut away from or wouldn't dare to show unless they are, like, vikings or some shit. People watch violent stuff easier when everyone is wearing furs and use swords.

Dante Watches Ouija Shark

Ouija Shark 0/10



I watched this. Not completely. I tapped out. This was trash. Ouija Shark is trash. You watch it and tell me how far you made it. I ain't listing the cast.

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The Review: Spenser Confidential

Spenser Confidential 6/10

This wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Spenser Confidential is on Netflix and based on the old series that I didn't watch which was based on a book I didn't know existed. This is pretty much The Big Hit 22 years later. I'm not sure if reviewers are shitting on it because of the star or actually didn't watch it which is a for real ass thing that some people who call themselves critics do. I ain't a critic. I am a professional bitcher. This movie ain't bad. The trailer was bad. The posters are bad. The movie isn't. Well, the music is but that's just a Netflix thing. Their series have good music but the movies stank when it comes to song choices. I did find it funny that this movie takes place in Boston and everyone sounds like it except Wahlberg and all I know about him is he is from there.

The Review: Bad Boys For Life

Bad Boys For Life 3/10

Spoilers. I have questions. Lots of questions. I watched Bad Boys For Life last night after remembering that a lot of people said that this movie was good and funny. I laughed three times during this two hour movie. And they weren't long laughs. Just “Ha!” and then sat in confusion. I can not write this like a regular review because it would just be “He gets shot at, then they get shot at then they shoot back, then someone dies on accident.” In case anyone is wondering yes I have seen the previous movies and am fans of both the main actors. I just wish this had been made maybe ten years ago. Or not at all.

So a riot breaks out at a lady prison and Isabel Aretas disguises herself as a guard and on the way is taken to the hospital. She stabs some of them in the ambulance and then her son shows up and shoots the rest. How come no police escort?

The Review: Doom Patrol Season 2 Episode 1

Doom Patrol S2E1 “Fun Size Patrol”

I learned from my review of Doom Patrol during the first season that this is not the type of show you can cover in one post. I am going to cover each episode for this season so I don't sound like a lunatic talking about farting donkeys and such. So yeah. This episode starts when they escaped the roaches' body from another dimension after it was making out with a large rodent and are stuck being tiny. The team saved the Chief's daughter Dorothy. Larry makes them very tiny breakfast which made me laugh. The team is still pissed off at Chief for revealing that he is the reason they all had accidents that gave them their powers because he is obsessed with immortality. Larry is also trying to make a formula to turn the team back to normal size.

The Review: Project Power

Project Power 2/10

Full of spoilers. Why was this movie made? I know that sounds weird because movies get made all the time for no damn reason and are terrible but this one was a special kinda bad. Project Power is a movie about people who get super powers after taking a pill. What powers? Some get invisibility. Some get strong. Some get icy. Some get set on fire. Some get powers that are perfect for the plot. You know. Powers. This dude shows up with these pills that come in special packs, glow, and need to be twisted and swallowed and immediately the powers start. Oh, I forgot to mention. Sometimes you just blow the fuck up. This girl named Robin is selling these drugs and rapping badly. Her mother is sick too and needs some soup. While trying to sell drugs Robin is jumped and is saved by a cop named Frank. Frank lets the guys go and gives her a motorcycle. Don't ask me to explain.

The Review: Doom Patrol Season 1

Doom Patrol 9/10

This will have spoilers. How do I even begin to describe Doom Patrol? I first heard about this show about a year ago and had zero desire to watch it. I have heard of the comic and knew there was a robot dude and that was it. I knew nothing of the other characters or anything. But CK watched the first three episodes and really liked it so I gave it a try and I'll be damned if it isn't up there with Legion as one of the best superhero series. There was only one aspect of the series that stopped me from giving it a 10/10 and I'll get to that.

This is about a team of heroes that isn't really a team so much as a bunch of various misfits with special abilities. None of them get along with each other and can barely control or understand the things that they can do. By the way, if you are going into this thinking this is a cute show it is not. There is cursing, gore, and a donkey that farts messages. See? I can not explain why you should watch this other than to say if you like the suggestions I make in series and movies then you should check this one out. I know that we are filthy with superhero shows right now like The Boys and The Umbrella Academy but this one is very different than those and better than Umbrella Academy which kinda shit the bed during the second season.

Dante Watches 3 Dev Adam

3 Dev Adam 2/10

This movie was stupid. 3 Giant Men aka Captain America and Santo vs. Spider-Man. It had weird ass edits. A strange story. Heroes that do nothing but punch people a lot and swing on things for no reason. Don't watch this movie. I did. I'm dumb. Don't be like me.

Yavuz Selekman as Santo

Aytekin Akkaya as Captain America

Tevfik Şen as Spider-Man

Deniz Erkanat as Julia

Mine Sun as Nadya

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The Review: The Umbrella Academy Season 2

Umbrella Academy Season Two 5/10

Full of spoilers. Last week I finished season two of The Umbrella Academy. In case anyone forgot this series is about a group of seven adopted children born from women who were suddenly pregnant and their children had super powers and were adopted by a guy who wanted to make a team to protect the planet. They are all fuck ups in their own special way and very dysfunctional. At the end of the first season (click here to check out my review of that) they end up jumping into a portal to time travel after one of the members of the team blows the moon up an a chunk of it hits the Earth. There is also a talking chimp.

Dante Watches Wheels Of Terror

Wheels Of Terror 8/10

This movie was crazy as hell! Wheels Of Terror is about a car that kidnaps girls and a bus driving mama who is not playing that shit when it comes to her daughter. This could have been 40 minutes long if not for all the slow motion parts and the chase scene that last about twenty minutes. Like, two of 'em. I still really enjoyed this because it was nuts.

Joanna Cassidy as Laura

Marcie Leeds as Stephanie

Carlos Cervantes as Luis

Arlen Dean Snyder as Detective Drummond

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The Review: Ip Man

Ip Man 7/10

I watched this crazy ass movie called Ip Man. It came out years ago and I had heard of it and seen fight scenes but didn't have a desire to really check it out. I watched the first few minutes one day and finished the rest another and really liked this movie. It is about this Wing Chun master in Foshan who is constantly being either challenged to a duel or asked to be a teacher. He doesn't want to do either. I'm not quite sure what he does for money but he and his family appear very well off. One day this dude and his crew show up and start beating the shit out of every other master. Literally like “Oh you thought you was raw? Smack! Not anymore.” Their leader, Jin, walks into Ip Man's house with all levels of disrespect and challenges him. His wife tells him to not break anything. He ends up destroying this guy in front of his friends and the whole town laughs as if they could do anything.

Dante Watches Uncle Sam (1996)

Uncle Sam 5/5

I watched this crazy ass movie from 1996 called Uncle Sam. Camille suggested this to me because she wanted to punish me for an unknown crime. At the end of this I was able to interview her for a few minutes about this nonsense fest. Check out our other site at RocketsandChicken.blogspot.com.

David Fralick as Master Sergeant Sam Harper

Christopher Ogden as Jody Baker

Leslie Neale as Sally Baker

Anne Tremko as Louise Harper

Isaac Hayes as Sergeant Jed Crowley

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