The Review: Glass Onion

Glass Onion 9/10

I really liked this damn movie. I was very surprised to see that it was already available to watch on Netflix because I thought I was going to have to wait a month or two to finally check out Glass Onion. I really liked Knives Out and didn't have super high hopes that this would be as close to as good as that movie was but I was very surprised. What I'm not surprised by is the fact that I am a terrible detective and that if I was ever in a situation where I had to solve a mystery I would fail. This rich jerk named Miles invites a bunch of his different friends and people he's known for years to his island for a murder mystery game but not before making them solve this crazy ass puzzle just to get the invitation. One of the friends named Andi ends up just smashing it open and heading to the island.

The Review: Bullet Train

Bullet Train 1/10

You ever see a preview for a movie or look at the cast listing and think holy crap this movie might be bad but it'll be kind of cool in a bad way? That was not this movie. This movie was straight up trash. There have been a lot of films that have had a large cast and a crazy insane storyline and fights but have done it so much better. Everyone has been comparing this to Smokin' Aces which is an insult since that movie is actually really cool. I got absolutely zero joy out of watching this and was barely able to make it through. I'm not going to waste my time listing the cast of this film because it is actually embarrassing that so many really good actors and actresses wasted their own time being in this. I'm also not going to waste my time saying what this is about. This was just trash and barely deserves a 1 out of 10 but it gets that score because I finished it.

The Review: It Happened On 5th Avenue

It Happened On 5th Avenue 8/10

I don't have too much to say about this movie. I don't mean that in a bad way because this was probably the most Christmassy Christmas movie I have ever seen in my life. This is about a hobo who likes to stay in rich people's homes over the holidays while they're gone. He ends up shacking up with this soldier who has no place to stay and while they're there this girl sneaks in it turns out to be the owner's daughter but they don't know that. So while they're staying there they end up inviting a lot of other people who have no place to stay and pretty much turning the place into a free hotel. The owner of the place ends up coming and he wants them all out but the daughter convinces him to play along and pretend to be somebody else because she's in love with the soldier. That's about it. This movie was very happy, very cheerful, and made me feel all of the holidays and I would seriously suggest adding this to your Christmas movie watching list. I had never even heard of this movie. I think my only complaint would be that the hobo in question begins to take his role a little bit too seriously and bossing people around.

Don DeFore as Jim Bullock

Gale Storm as Trudy O'Connor

Victor Moore as Aloyisius T. McKeever

Charles Ruggles as Michael J. "Mike" O'Connor

Ann Harding as Mary O'Connor

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The Review: White Christmas

White Christmas 8/10

One of the Christmas movies we watched was called White Christmas. This takes place during World War II and this Broadway performer is there and the major general shows up to let them know that he's leaving. Moments after he takes off they start getting bombed and shot at. The Broadway performer who is named Bob ends up getting saved by Phil but Phil ends up getting his arm hurt. While he is recovering to make up for it he decides to let Phil join him and they become a Broadway act together. They end up becoming very successful and they hear about these two other singers the Haynes Sisters and this is pretty much an elaborate plan because Phil thinks that Bob will be much happier in a relationship and it would improve his life.

The Review: The Invitation

The Invitation 7/10

So L. and I watch this movie called The Invitation. All I knew about this movie from the trailer was at this girl gets invited to go overseas and then weird things start happening in the house that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge on this film. Now it's about this girl named Evie who works freelancing at a catering place and getting felt up by pervy men and somebody leaves a gift bag where you can do DNA test. She takes it and is contacted by a cousin that's in England somewhere. Her best friend tells her that she shouldn't go and she's going to end up killed or something but she doesn't have any other family so she decides that she's going to make the trip. Now at the beginning of the film we saw some woman end up hanging herself with a piano wire trying to get away from everybody in the house and now Evie starts seeing weird visions and having dreams about this woman. There's also some maids that are working for this gathering of all these different people and they all start getting picked off one by one by some creepy ass monster this giant manner is owned by this guy named Walter who takes a liking the Evie.

The Review: Paper Girls

Paper Girls 8/10

There was this show called Paper Girls that Miss Jackie told me about. When I read the premise I did not think that I would be even kind of interested in this but after the first episode I knew I was going to plow through this show. It came out in July of last year on Amazon but this show got absolutely no advertisement. I have seen a lot of reviews compare it to Stranger Things even though this show came out and comic book form before stranger things did but nobody likes to do any kind of research. Plus the guys who created Stranger Things have already been accused of stealing the entire shows idea. I am rambling so let me get to the main part of this review.

The Review: Black Adam

Black Adam 3/10

So I finally got around to watching the Black Adam movie. I don't have all that much to say about it because I didn't hate it but I can't say that I enjoyed it. It starts off with a backstory that turns out to sort of not be his own and then we're introduced to a bunch of brand new characters who aren't all that interesting. We have Hawkman who is supposed to be really good friends with Dr Fate because they told me so and when one of them dies it's supposed to be emotional but I felt absolutely nothing. There's also a dude that grows really tall who isn't interesting at all and the girl who can make wind. None of these people can beat Black Adam and it's kind of pathetic. All of the human characters are unrelatable and uninteresting and of course they have a young child that provides pure annoyance. The only thing I can truly say I liked about this movie was the portrayal of Black Adam. He looked just like the character and was cool himself but just surrounded by a lot of people that I did not care about whatsoever. The pacing of this film was all over the place. There would be a crazy action scene and then it would just slam on the brakes for uninteresting exposition. After I was done watching I looked up who wrote and directed this movie and that answered any question I had as to why I did not like this. I would like to see this character again but in a movie with an interesting villain and a far better story.

Dwayne Johnson as Teth-Adam/Black Adam

Aldis Hodge as Carter Hall/Hawkman

Sarah Shahi as Adrianna Tomaz

Marwan Kenzari as Ishmael Gregor

Quintessa Swindell as Maxine Hunkel/Cyclone

Bodhi Sabongui as Amon Tomaz

Pierce Brosnan as Kent Nelson/Doctor Fate

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The Review: American Horror Story NYC

American Horror Story NYC 9/10

This crazy ass season had everything. A psychotic leather man, dying deer, an epidemic, drug use, rough sex, and torture thrown in just a spice things up. This last season of American Horror Story: NYC seems to have some people upset and other people very happy with how the season turned out. I'm one of the people that's very happy with this season because the last few seasons have built up these huge hopes and then the payoff has been trash. I was hoping that this season wouldn't be too crammed with too much information and killers because at a certain point it seemed like the show was beginning to lose its way. Thankfully even after the death of one of the killers the show stayed interesting and I was excited to watch it every single week. L. had already started the season and I jumped in and when she would finish an episode I try to quickly watch it to catch up. This season benefited from having a lot of interesting characters and not one or two that I gave a damn about. This is going to be full of spoilers so be warned and you shouldn't be looking up stuff on the internet about shows you haven't watched yet anyway.

The Review: A New Orleans Noel

 

A New Orleans Noel 1/10

L. and I watched this dry ass movie called A New Orleans Noel. This was a Hallmark or maybe a Lifetime movie about this woman who goes to New Orleans to help decorate a famous praline chefs home. She didn't know it but a guy that she knew back in college that she liked but seems like she hates name Anthony is also tasked with designing the home because its his grandmothers. Of course they do not agree with each other's ideas and everyone in the family wants them to get together even though they haven't seen each other since college and she just needles him at every opportunity she gets. I straight up found her annoying. Anthony reveals that he likes Grace for god knows what reason because it can't be the outfits that she was wearing and is not sure how to tell her. Grace doesn't seem to know how to slow down or settle down after her parents died and doesn't want to get attached to anyone. The family tries to welcome her in and she leaves during prayer like a rude son of a bitch. I really did not enjoy this movie and gave it a 1/ 10 because we actually finished it. I know that the two main stars of this are married in real life so it's very strange that they seem to be no chemistry between the two of them in this film. And of course it ends with her giving up her career that would force her to live somewhere else so she can stay with this dude that she hasn't seen in years. All of these movies end this way. A successful woman will easily drop her entire life if you got a nice fade and you're kind of cute.

Keshia Knight Pulliam as Grace Hill

Brad James as Anthony Brown

Patti LaBelle as Loretta Brown

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The Review: The Man Who Came To Dinner

The Man Who Came to Dinner 8/10

A few weeks ago L. and I watched this movie called The Man Who Came To Dinner. It was made in 1942 and in all honesty I fell asleep when we first started watching it because it was late as hell. We ended up finishing it the next day and I laughed way too much at this movie. This movie is about this jerk named Whiteside who is a radio personality who ends up breaking his hip when he falls down on the steps of this rich house. He pretty much forces them to let him stay there while he recuperates in his wheelchair and the whole time he is getting weird objects sent to the house from rich and famous people. I'm talking about penguins, octopus, and even an Egyptian sarcophagus. So while he's there his assistant Maggie is also there and she ends up falling for this dude who works at the newspaper named Bert. Bert is working on a play and he really wants Whiteside to read it but Whiteside doesn't want him dating his assistant because then she'll go away. Whiteside ends up scheming with this actress that he knows to take Bert away from his assistant so that she can't quit.

The Review: Christmas In Connecticut

Christmas In Connecticut 8/10

This past weekend L. and I watched this film called Christmas In Connecticut. From the way this started I could not tell where this movie was going and it did not go anywhere that I thought it would. It starts off with these two sailors stuck in the middle of the ocean on a life raft for almost three weeks. They get saved and one of them named Jefferson ends up becoming obsessed with wanting a really good meal made by this lady named Elizabeth Lane. She writes articles for a magazine where it's pretty much like what Martha Stewart does but not for real. So while Jefferson is in the hospital with his friend who gets to eat whatever he wants he's straight up drinking a bowl of milk with an egg yolk floating in it. Was this a real thing? Did people actually do this to one another back in the day?

The Review: A Family Christmas Gift/The Christmas Clapback

A Family Christmas Gift 6/10

This past weekend L. and I watch some holiday movies. Four of them to be exact. The first one we watched was called A Family Christmas Gift. This was a Hallmark movie so there was not all of the drama that I was expecting from a typical Christmas movie involving black people. This is not a Thanksgiving With The Carter 2 situation where you get lost in the woods and attacked by a bear or what appears to be a man and a very cheap bear costume with the help of marijuana and two black people named Ashford and Simpson. I'm not going to get into that right now.

The Review: Interview With The Vampire

Interview With The Vampire 10/10

I have to admit that when I first heard from L. that Interview with the Vampire was going to be a new series with a Black man playing Louis I was very hesitant to even try watching it. By the end of the first episode I was addicted to this show. Just like with Wonder Years reboot showing that time period through the eyes of a Black child this series having it set in the time period that it's set in and it being in New Orleans it changed so much about the story that they could not have had a white actor the way they had with Brad Pitt in the film. Looking back at recaps of the season there's so much stuff that happened but it did not feel rushed.

The Review: Don't Worry Darling

Don't Worry Darling 8/10

Last week L. and I watched this movie called Don't Worry Darling. I had seen a trailer for this movie and could not tell what the hell it was about but it seemed interesting and I like the directors previous movie Booksmart. So we started watching this movie and it takes place in the 1950s where all the husbands go off to work at this place called Victory while the women stay at home cook, clean, relax, and bring their husbands a nice warm dinner when they get home. One of the housewives seems out of it and kind of strange and the other women stay away from her. Her name is Margaret and she's played by an actress I've seen in other films and did not realize it was her because she looks different in everything that she does.

The Review: A Wesley Christmas

A Wesley Christmas 0/10

The second movie L. and I watched was called A Wesley Christmas. By the way both of these were on BET+ that she accidentally still had for months ago after we watched Jason's Lyric. This is one of those basic movies where all the children come together for the holidays and even though the parents seem nice normal and polite the children all seem to be trash in different ways. One of the kids is the daughter and she can't be tied down in any relationship and is juggling two different men. The two sons work at a company together and one of the sons is married has two twin daughters who look 29 years old each and a wife who is either pregnant or has cancer. The other son who I remember as Todd because I kept calling him fake Chris Brown appears to be the fuck up of the family. He lost the company $500,000 and the older brother is not happy about it but the rest of the family seems to be like “Well you know that's Todd.” And there's also a hot auntie who seems to always be drinking and is the only part of this movie that is enjoyable.