Darktown
Strutters DAFUCK/10
This
movie was written in three days. And by three days that probably
means one hour each day. I just finished watching this...thing called
Darktown Strutters with Miss Jackie. We messaged back and forth
during the entire movie since she contacted me first about it. I was
gonna wait till morning but ended up watching it tonight. I am gonna
end up having to sleep on this one and finish this in the morning
because this thing called a movie was likely one of the most insane
things I have ever seen. If not the most it is definitely top three.
Before I begin though here are some quotes from me as I watched.
Zooming
in on those flat booties.
What
do you have me watching?!
I
think they are in LA.
This
movie is a fever dream.
A
bazooka!
I
don't know if these guys are horny or hungry.
Why is
the pig in a thong?
A
story HAS to happen eventually.
He got
a fuck hat?
I want
a fuck hat!
I know
a trap house when I see one.
Where
slaves come from?!
Oh no
not Colonel Sanders.
Oh no
my nun fetish.
Motorcycle
tramp? New insult!
The
script for this had to look like what Jack Torrance in The Shining
wrote.
There
is always a weird gay man!
Where
did you find this movie?!
I love
how I expect an ending that makes sense.
So her
mom is missing because she is doing abortions?
This
is like the worst variety show.
She
just slapped him with ribs!
He
cloning Black people to get votes.
This
movie is almost over and she is dancing and her mother is missing.
Why
does she run like a duck before it flies?
Pancakes?!
That
skeleton talked!
That's
how it ends?!
That...that
was definitely filmed.
That
pretty much sums up this movie. A motorcycle gang of women head into
town because one of their mothers is missing. But first they dance
and fight off Marines with pie. She decides to investigate what
happened to her mother while dressing as a nun to get some dirt as
well as dressing as a cop. The cops in this are the same four guys
and have a police car with the world's largest siren. She discovers
that this fake Colonel Sanders dude is running a weird as cult where
he has for real slaves picking cotton and kidnapping and cloning
Black people to get more votes. He also has Klan members with goggles on bikes. That is as close as I can get to
describing this movie. There is shit in this that makes zero sense
which is why I can not give this a regular number rating. I couldn't
suggest this and I also would not tell you not to watch this. It is a
fever dream filmed and available on Amazon and YouTube.
Trina
Parks as Syreena
Edna
Richardson as Carmen
Bettye
Sweet as Miranda
Shirley
Washington as Theda
Roger
E. Mosley as Mellow
Christopher
Joy as Wired
Stan
Shaw as Raunchy
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