Just
watched episodes 5 and 6 of Tiger King and this shit is a mess. I
can't believe this level of nonsense can even take place so recently.
I would understand this more if it happened in the 80's.
Episode
5 Thoughts
This
dude has fucking chimps. Fuck dealing with those little monsters.
Joe is
super mad at Jeff. I need to see how the shit between them plays out.
This
chick with one hand is full on like “Jeff ain't do shit to help.”
She is setting off my Spider Sense. Has she always been a she? Not
that it matters but my Spider Sense for this stuff is rarely wrong.
I'll check later. (confirmed: prefers he/his pronoun and is a trans
man)
Damn,
Jeff taking over. Bringing in his own crew and everything.
Everyone
looks like they did just enough drugs to not die...and then go work
with wild animals.
Why do
dudes like strip clubs? I still haven't been to one and everything
about them screams “Not For Dante!”
Ew!
The meat from Joe's pizza place came from the expired meat!
They
play with explosives way too much in a place full of wild animals.
Joe
deciding to run for President and then mayor.
He is
handing out condoms with his face on them. My dick would go into my
body so fast you'd hear it.
This
reporter in a cage with Joe and tigers wants to run so bad.
Carole,
I wouldn't trust anyone explaining anything to me wearing a ring of
flowers on their head.
There's
Carole's weird nervous laugh.
Joe's
flat ass makes me feel good about mine.
This
dude Allen that works for Jeff fucking hates Joe's guts.
Someone
put cologne on Joe's shoes and that cat was like “Your leg smells
amazing! I'm gonna take it with me!” Nobody came to help Joe
either. Joe is losing his shit! He was about to pop a cap in that
tiger.
Joe's
husband Gollum never wears a shirt. It's weird. Wait. He has a shirt
on showing the gun Joe bought for him. His other husband Travis looks
like trouble.
Gollum
says that they mainly did meth. Noooooo...for real?
Wait.
What?! Gollum isn't really gay but just fucking Joe for free shit?!
Travis
wasn't gay either?! He is also losing his shit punching trucks.
You
wake me up pointing a gun at me you better use that shit.
Oh.
He
used the gun. On himself. What. The. Fuck. Travis just blew his
brains out.
Erik
(the head zookeeper) seems like the most decent person there after
Seff (one hand). I say that now and it turns out he set birds on fire
or something.
Here
is the funeral Jasmine mentioned.
Um...
...why
would you tell a story about the deceased rubbing their balls on your
face at the funeral with his mom sitting front row?
Oh
god. First her son kills himself and now she has to listen to Joe
sing.
Joe
serving a holiday meal. I wouldn't eat a damn thing he serves.
Joe
losing his shit. Taking pictures of clouds saying there are angels
and could that say “Hi.”
Jeff
decided...he decided to have a party bus with live animals. Live
animals. On a bus. In Vegas.
Joe
has a Prince Albert. Did not need to know that.
If you
do not know what that is do not Google it. If you Google it and
scream its your fault.
Joe
already got a new young thang. They met in a chat room.
Ain't
no man putting their hand in the small of my back!
Joe
invited his dead husbands mom to his wedding two months after he
died. Just her, the grooms, and a flower girl.
This
woman trying to put a Christmas hat on a tiger. Eat her!
I saw
a Black person! Dude taking photos at the parade! Siiiiiiiiiiiir!!!
I
still don't know why Joe is in jail five episodes in.
Oh
shit the feds are talking to Jeff.
Its.
About. To go. Down.
Episode
6 Thoughts
Joe
bailed Jeff out of jail after he beat his wife. The second time was
when he was sneaking cubs into places in luggage!
Jeff
says that Joe forged his name twenty times on checks! Wow.
Damn
Joe burned everything! He burned computers and papers. Where is he
taking all these big ass animals?
They
tranquilizing all the animals.
Oh,
no. Another song.
With
all the shit Joe has done and everything that is happening he still
focusing on hating Carole.
Oh, if
someone like Joe “joked” about having someone killed I would for
sure believe it.
Joe
asked his security guy to take care of Carole. Nah. Hard pass, sir.
See,
Carole? That is why you do not document all your comings and goings.
This fool using footage she films on a bike trail.
Allen
is too down. Like way too down. He's like “I'll kill someone” the
way you say “I'll have a water.”
Carole's
husband is smart about this handling Joe shit. He got that call and
was like “Let me not call this number and send it to the
authorities.”
This
big dude turned informer like Snow! A liggyboomboomdown!
Okay,
so far even if Carole fed her husband to tigers doesn't take away
from the fact that Joe wanted to have her killed.
Instead
of killing Carole Allen got fucked up and partied.
Why
would you text messages about having someone killed for you?
Meanwhile
Jeff got out of jail on probation. The law is fucking weird.
Jeff
rolled up to the police like “What y'all wanna know?”
Seriously,
why would Joe trust Allen of all people to kill Carole? I know he saw
the teardrop tattoo and thought he was on the up and up. But Allen
wanted to kill Joe even more.
Joe
trying to trick folks into thinking he was in Belize. Bitch, please.
Ah,
this big dude was like “That's Florida water. He ain't in Belize.”
These
news reports prove that the same folks that will exploit your crazy
ass will be there to parade your downfall.
Jeff
is tearing down Joe's place and making something new.
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