Just
finished watching two more episodes of Tiger King. People told me
that it gets crazier and now that I am halfway through I am a
believer. This shit is beyond absurd!
Episode
3 Thoughts
Oh, so
now everyone is diverting the attention from their own crazy shit by
saying Carole fed her husband to her tigers. And they using the slow
motion head turn of Carole, too. I see what you did there. I used to
be an editor.
Carole
low key looks like Nicole Sullivan/Wendi McLendon-Covey. Used to have
ultra crushes on both of them but somehow not Carole. Go figure.
Whoa,
Carole's missing husband Don's ex wife is shading the fuck out of
Carole. Damn, does anyone like Carole?!
So Don
had a wife and kids and saw Carole crying in the street after
fighting her husband. Oh, she held a gun (his gun!) on him while they
drove around to go bone at a hotel. Goddamn! Don ain't shit. Who
wants ass so bad they are willing to give a stranger their own gun to
get in the car with them?
Oh, so
Joe reading Carole's diary online now. What a dick bag.
Wait.
They make $500 bills? Damn, Don.
I get
mad that everyone has video footage of themselves as a child while I
got one damn baby photo. Period.
Carole's
family were fundamental Christians. She had zero chance at a normal
childhood.
Fifty
six bobcats and lynx?! I didn't even know that many of those existed
in this country let alone at Carole's.
Look
at Dennis here riding his motorcycle with his beard blowing in the
breeze looking like an crazy Santa Claus.
Carole
explaining how to snatch a young animal from its mother to make it so
people can come pet them.
She
crossbreeding animals? Gonna fuck around and have a bunch of cockeyed
leopards that shit sideways.
Oh,
Don had a woman in Costa Rica too. How shocking. A guy leaves his
family for a woman he found on the street is sleeping with other
women? Scandalous!
Don's
attorney spilling the tea now.
Don
was 17 and married a 14 year old? This is America! Don's daughter
just accused her father of being a sexaholic. Ew!
Don
filed a restraining order against his own wife. Carole threatened to
kill him. Damn. OJ Simpson may be right about her. Yeah. OJ called
Carole a murderer and made fun of White people and their love of
animals. A man who killed his White wife and another dude said
this...free from prison...on a golf course...during a pandemic.
I'm
starting to think Don is in Costa Rica having all of the sex. Now.
You not having sex? Its because Don used it all up.
Jesus.
Carole's place is surrounded by swamp aka Hide Dead Bodyville.
Ooh,
Carole being shady saying how Don flew his plane illegally, like, all
the time. She also says that he was acting strange after his last
plane crash and he may have had Alzheimer's.
Joe
better not be singing a song about Carole's husband vanishing. Oh, my
god. He is! That tiger in the video was like “Give me them fucking
tongs!”
“Who
in the world anticipates their disappearance?!” Um, Florida
residents.
All of
Don's ex's hate Carole. Apparently they ended up with “all the
yucky stuff.” The fuck does that even mean?
Oh my
god! That video of Carole wearing a flower hat talking about how to
get rich. Oh, fuck, man. Even if she innocent that makes her look
guilty as hell.
They
got married with him dressed like Fred Flintstone. Florida. Fucking
Florida.
Another
evil Carole shot.
Joe
has taken it upon himself to be the avenger against Carole. This
should be interesting. And by interesting I mean a clusterfuck.
Episode
4 Thoughts
Joe's
music sounds like the soundtrack to emotional abuse.
Oh, so
Joe in jail? What did he do to end up in jail?
Joe
trolling Carole over the internet. Interviewing a mannequin. He is
going too hard in the paint.
You
have no idea how happy I am that not a single Black person has
appeared in this.
Joe
has officially declared himself the Tiger King.
Carole
has a scary laugh.
I
don't care what you say, if you take a picture with a dead animal you
are a shitbird. Unless its an animal that was attacking you and your
family and you defeated it. And the animal has to have been bigger
than you.
Ew.
Joe has pierced nipples.
Joe
has to cough up a million dollars to Carole for copyright
infringement.
This
lunatic blowing up the shit Carole won. Yay?
What
the hell?! Who started a fire?
They
accusing the producer of starting the fire. If I was him my ass would
run away so fast from these crazy people I'd get wind burn.
Why
everyone getting interviewed playing with an animal?
Carole
suing everybody! Joe's mama got sued!
Joe
used up his parents money. Joe trying to hurry up and breed more
tigers. And I never need to hear “Give me a hole cut” ever again.
Joe
mad the baby tigers are crying. Its not like he just ripped them form
their parents and stuck 'em in kennels in a living room.
Whoa.
Carole was like “I'll help you, Joe. Just lemme hold your parents
house.”
Who
the fuck is this dude Jeff? He looks like he took a thug style from
the 80's, 90's, and early 2000's. Wearing a baseball cap, wave cap,
and do-rag. He ready for anything!
“A
little pussy gets you a lot of pussy.” If your husband says that in
front of you on camera and you don't leave immediately something is
wrong with you.
Jeff
tossing money around. No one saying shit about Jeff.
Oh
shit that lion was like “You wanna play rough? YOU WANNA PLAY
ROUGH?!”
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