The Review: Hell Or High Water

Hell Or High Water 8/10

I had heard about this movie Hell Or High Water a few months ago but didn't really make any effort to watch it. Mostly because between all the movies being cranked out at the end of the year and all the new TV shows and shit to watch some really good films fall between the cracks. This is one of those movies. It does not have a huge cast but the few people that the story focuses on bring their A game. It stars Chris Pine and Ben Foster as brothers Toby and Tanner Howard. Tanner just got out of prison (you find out what he did later) and they begin robbing banks in Texas.

Theater Whore: Hidden Figures

Hidden Figures 2/10

Are people afraid to say this movies sucks because it stars three Black women and you have to be careful about who you say sucks right now? I'm not. Hidden Figures sucked. I'm not talking shit about the accomplishments that these women made. I'm talking about the acting, the writing, and the music. God, the music. Okay. I need to get my shit in order. This movie has a cast of people that should be able to knock socks off and this should have been one of the best movies of the year but every ten seconds it felt like the screen should have had a subtitle that said “YOU ARE CURRENTLY WATCHING A MOVIE!” I never got lost in this for a second and my ass is able to do that with movies featuring talking trees in space with a best friend that is a raccoon.

The Review: The Accountant

The Accountant 7/10

There will be total spoilers. My cousin Jasmine has been telling me for months that I needed to finish watching The Accountant starring Ben Affleck. I started it a while ago and just could not get into it. Based on the trailer I expected this bad ass action movie with this autistic guy that could kick ass. Turns out I had to just watch it for about five more minutes than when I tapped out the first time because the movie picks right the fuck up and becomes something different.

The Review: Justice League Vs. Teen Titans

Justice League Vs. Teen Titans 5/10

I found out that this Justice League Vs. Teen Titans movie came out last year. I try to keep up on all the new DC and Marvel animated movies and somehow this one slipped past me. This is a different take on the Teen Titans because this stuff is all based on that New 52 thing going on in DC. Or maybe it stopped. I don't know. Its all too complicated and one of the reasons I stopped reading comics. In this one Starfire is the leader of the Titans and everything that happens is new. The Justice League in this consists of Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Cyborg, and The Flash. The whip some villain ass and Batman gets pissed because Damian Wayne aka Robin is a little shit and disobeys orders. He is sent to the Titans as punishment and to learn how to work with others.

Theater Whore: John Wick 2

John Wick 2 (9/10)

There will for sure be some spoilers. This morning I headed to Arclight on Sunset and watched John Wick 2 starring Keanu Reeves. Last night before bed I watched the first one and if you watch a movie like that before bed you will have some honked up ass dreams. This movie takes place shortly after the first ends and something I forgot about the first was how recently his wife had passed away before all hell broke loose. For those that have not seen the first film but for some odd ass reason decided to read a review about the second one here's the basic premise. A former professional killers wife suddenly dies. Shortly after she dies a puppy arrives that she had sent to him. These assholes show up, the main one being the son of one of Wick's former “boss”, beats the fuck out of Wick, kills the dog, and steals his car. The rest of the movie is pure revenge. Got it?

My Song Of The Week: The Codger

Over the last couple of weeks besides making my own songs up I have been doing some remixes of classic and somewhat older songs as well and called it The Codger. Here is what happened. See The Light (Child In Time by Deep Purple), Don't You Worry (Float On by Modest Mouse), Let It All Out (Shout by Tears For Fears), I'm So Glad (The Sign by Ace Of Bass), It Was Only A Kiss (Mr. Brightside by The Killers), Love Is A Feeling (Give In To Me by Michael Jackson), Jimmy's Town (Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue), and This Won't Hurt A Bit (Twisted Transistor by Korn). Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.

The Review: Santa Clarita Diet

Santa Clarita Diet 8/10

I watched the new Netflix series Santa Clarita Diet. Watched. Hell, I plowed through it in about three days really. This show is good. If you liked the first few seasons of Dexter or Dead Like Me or movies like Shaun Of The Dead or Evil Dead this is right up your alley. Its that kind of humor and super gore. I didn't know much about this show but Cam mentioned something about the mom being a cannibal. There will be some spoilers in this review. Seriously. Don't read reviews if you're worried about spoilers. There are ten episodes and each one is about 29 minutes long so it flies on by.

Theater Whore: Fences

Fences 10/10

Yesterday after watching two shitty films in a row I was talking to Camille and told her that I needed to cleanse myself cinematically. Later, even though she is not feeling well, she asked if I wanted to go see Fences at The Arclight. The answer or course is hell's yes. I am glad that I knew nothing about this movie other than the two main stars and that there was a play about it. Other than that I had no attachments or anything to base it off of. I like that. Its hard to describe this movie without spoiling a bunch of it or even making it sound super interesting based on the premise because there ain't no explosions of nothing. Its just an incredibly well acted movie with a small cast.

The Review: Yoga Hosers

Yoga Hosers 0/10

For some reason I decided to watch Yoga Hosers knowing good and damned well that this movie is not for me. Its not for me as a fan of cheesy movies, Kevin Smith who wrote and directed this, or as a fan of terrible shit. This movie sucked. I'm not even mad. I'm mostly confused. I'm not sure why this was made. Its connected with his last movie Tusk which I absolutely hated and even has some reoccurring characters. I'm not gonna bother listing who is in this. This wasn't funny to me, fun, or slightly entertaining. It just exists as this waste of space on my Netflix cue. After watching I read some reviews and laughed at how angry folks got. I save that kinda rage for movies like that garbage Boyhood.

Click here for previous The Review. 

The Review: iBoy

iBoy 1/10

My spell correct don't even like the title of this movie. I saw this was on Netflix and laughed at the cover above and saw Sansa was in it and decided to say “Fuck it. I'm adventurous.” This stars Bill Milner as a kid named Tom that likes a girl named Lucy played by Maisie Williams. One day while he is going to her place he notices she is being attacked or something and runs away and while running away he gets shot while calling the police. The phone explodes and he wakes up ten days later in the hospital with pieces of shrapnel in his head that they can't take out. Its like Iron Man but shitty. Yeah. That is the best way to describe the way he got hurt.

The Review: Hulk Vs.

Hulk Vs. 4/10

I watched the Hulk Vs. movie that came out years ago. I'd seen it before but it turns out I had only seen half of it before. This is broken down into two parts. In the first one Hulk is taken over by Loki who uses him to go to Asgard to beat the living hell out of Thor which he does. This is not regular ass Hulk. This is Hulk without Bruce Banner inside to have some form of checks an balances. I don't even remember exactly how this ended since I watched it a few weeks ago but it just proved that Hulk needs some kind of extra characters added because Hulk alone is rather boring.

Theater Whore: Arrival

Arrival 9/10

There will be some spoilers. This always happens. I will have long since made my best of list (click here to check that out) and then I'll see some movie and for sure know I would have added it to that list. I watched Arrival and this damned movie was as good as folks have been saying. People have been comparing it to Contact and that does not work for me at all since I did not like that movie at all. I am also not a fan of the last film the director of this did either. This movie was great. A damned movie about aliens arriving to the planet and there was no space battles, punching aliens in their mouths, or using their weapons against them.

Theater Whore: Resident Evil Final Chapter

Resident Evil Final Chapter 1/10

There will be spoilers. The first rule of Resident Evil is that you don't question Resident Evil. I got to see Resident Evil Final Chapter and I have to say that this was the worst of them and thankfully the last one being made. Allegedly. I'm sure they'll find some way to drag this out of the mud. Milla Jovovich is back as Alice whose job is to save humanity. I guess. The movie starts with a flash back that was just made up and couldn't have possibly been created when the first movie was written just so that they could have Milla's daughter introduced into the series as The Red Queen. Basically years ago a dudes daughter was dying so he created something to help her and it turned into the T-Virus. Next thing you know people are monsters.