The Review: Moon Knight

Moon Knight Season 1 (10/10)

I feel like every time I watch one of these new Marvel series that I end up thinking “This had no right to be as good as this is.” Almost no one knows who the hell Moon Knight is. I knew who he was but I wasn't a massive fan or anything. I knew he had powers associated with an ancient god and that he had multiple personalities. That is about it. I knew that the star of this would be good but not as good as he was. This about a guy named Steven Grant that works at a museum. At night he chains himself to his bed and covers the floor with sand, and tapes the door to see if he has left for some reason. One night he wakes up in another country and being chased and shot at. He experiences black outs where he will snap back and there is just carnage everywhere. He ends up finding out that he is living a double life where he is also Marc Spector who is a former mercenary and looking for an ancient relic in order to keep it from this guy named Arthur Harrow. Marc's wife shows up and she gets in on all this crazy ass stuff.

The Review: Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings 9/10

Full of all the spoilers. Holy shit I wish I could've seen this in theaters! This is the type of film my ass would have been in the theater the first week at a matinee with a bucket of popcorn and a soda. But no. We still in a damn pandemic and I'm not trying to sit in a theater with a bunch of other weirdos and pulling a mask down and sitting with the public like that. I mean, I did see that classic film months ago but this isn't about me being a hypocrite. Shang-Chi made me so happy about the upcoming MCU film because Captain Marvel and Black Widow stank so I was getting concerned. This movie fixed that by introducing a cool ass new hero that has a personality and fucking awesome looking powers but a villain that was crazy but also cool and had focus. I might watch this again while I'm writing.

Casting Slouch: Fantastic Four

Marvel Studios now has control of the next Fantastic Four movie and I am excited about this. It is going to be directed by Jon Watts who directed the latest Spider-Man movies which have both been incredible. I have seen every movie made about these characters and sadly (and oddly) the one that came closest to feeling sincere to the characters was the oldest Roger Corman film made in 1994. Its all over the internet if you wanna watch it. Its hilarious. With the movies made in 2005 and 2007 they didn't for a moment feel like a team let alone a family. The 2015 I liked though it had a lot of issues had the same problem. They have always been portrayed as people that wouldn't want to be around one another let alone work together.

I would want these movies to focus on their relationships first and their powers second. I mean their relationship with their main villain Doctor Doom as well. No rush to have him in a mask immediately. I am gonna write about each of these characters and how I would have them portrayed in the new films. This is not going to start off already in the MCU because it would make no sense considering all the shit that has happened and they haven't been seen. I also don't want them to be a brand new team. Spider-Man spared us seeing Uncle Ben shot for the tenth time and we don't need to see these people shoot off into space and get radiated. You will also notice I want people in their damn 30's.

Upcoming Marvel Films Excitement Levels 2

Marvel has a lot of new movies coming out this and next year as well as a bunch of new TV series that all manage to look good somehow. I am gonna write about five of the next set of movies and how excited I am about them. Hint: way more excited than I was about the DC ones. Deal with it. 

Black Widow

Excitement Level – 5/5

Cast: Scarlett Johansson, Florence Pughm, David Harbour, and Rachel Weisz

You know what made me want to see this movie even more than I originally wanted to? A damned video essay on Youtube by Implicitly Pretentious (click to watch). I liked her character but was so used to her that I didn't appreciate her character. I watched Iron Man 2 again and forgot how she was even introduced into the MCU. That video essay showed her character through all of the films and how she fit into the group, related to characters, and grew far more than I realized. I didn't know how the hell they planned on even making this considering on how Endgame, well, ended. The trailer for this looks cool as hell and I am mad interested to see some of the characters they will introduce. I'll be seeing this the first day it comes out.

The Review: Jessica Jones Season 2

Jessica Jones Season Two 1/10

This will be full of spoilers so if you have not watched this season or do not even care about spoilers then keep on reading. This is going to be a combination of The Review, You Had One Job, and 10 Reasons because I can't just write a review of this without it being full of complaints about this alleged hero series. Let me state that I loved the first season (click here to check that review out) and did not expect to. It did everything right and was super compelling. This second season is nothing like the first one in any way. Full disclosure: I am gonna shit all over this show. You may have watched this and loved it. You're allowed to do that, humans.

Theater Whore: Black Panther

Black Panther 10/10

There will be some spoilers. It has been so hard not to see or hear spoilers about this movie and waiting until I could see Black Panther with my cousin yesterday. This movie is fucking awesome. Its dazzling. I was sitting there with my mouth open too much to even take in everything that I was seeing on the screen. I will try not to bounce around too much but I'm sure I will because that is how I am in writing and conversations. This starts off with the telling of five tribes that would one day form the nation of Wakanda. It is done with this cool ass sand animation and gives hundreds of years of history in about two minutes. There. I have gotten upset with movies in the past doing this exact thing but the way it was handled here worked perfectly. All five tribes huddle up except the Jabari Tribe who decide to post up in the snowy mountains. These people all use vibranium (which is what Captain America's shield is made of) and have ultra advanced technology while to the rest of the world they look like regular ass Africans. It's cool.

The Review: Hulk Vs.

Hulk Vs. 4/10

I watched the Hulk Vs. movie that came out years ago. I'd seen it before but it turns out I had only seen half of it before. This is broken down into two parts. In the first one Hulk is taken over by Loki who uses him to go to Asgard to beat the living hell out of Thor which he does. This is not regular ass Hulk. This is Hulk without Bruce Banner inside to have some form of checks an balances. I don't even remember exactly how this ended since I watched it a few weeks ago but it just proved that Hulk needs some kind of extra characters added because Hulk alone is rather boring.

The Review: Doctor Strange The Sorcerer Supreme

I recently watched the 2007 Marvel animated film Doctor Strange: The Sorcerer Supreme. I had no idea this even existed. Not that I would have searched hard for it seeing as how I'm not really a fan of Dr. Strange and Marvel animated movies tend to stink. This turned out to be pretty decent. It is the origin of how Strange went from being asshole surgeon to one of the greatest sorcerers in the Marvel universe. All in what seems to be a few months.

You Had One Job: Spiderman In The Avengers

This is me bitching about something that is completely out of my hands. And I'm drunk. So there has been a lot of talk about Sony finally releasing the rights to the Spiderman (spell if however the fuck you want) franchise and the character appearing in an Avenger film in the future. This needs to happen. Why? Because Spiderman is in the fucking Avengers, that's why! As far as I know, here is why Sony is cockblocking the release of the character.

Sony owns the rights to the guy. If they don't use it every three years or so they lose the rights and Marvel gets it back. They don't want that to happen so they are fine with putting out shitty movies like those last two. I can't believe that anyone watched those and enjoyed them, but whatever. Some people loved The Hangover. Sony/TheWalt Disney Company have lost characters before like Daredevil which is why there will be a series coming out on Netflix soon that I am excited about. They have also lost the use of Ghost Rider which I hope gets a reboot because that is a character that got me into comics in the first place.

You Had One Job: Marvel's Beast In Film

You know what's always bugged me? The way Beast was handled in the X-Men films. When those Origin films came out it was the perfect chance to clear up the mess they had made out of the other films. Admit it. The X-Men films have been pretty shitty. Don't let the fact that a couple of scenes were cool fool you. They have been bad.

Pictured up there is Beast as he originally appeared in the Marvel comics. He was a strangely built guy with agility. He later got the blue fur that we've grown accustomed to and has been that way ever since except for that time where he was drawn looking more like a kitty cat. The Beast that I am most comfortable with is the one from the animated series. He was the one I'd seen the longest and had the perfect voice for the character.

DVDiculous: Avengers Confidential: Black Widow & Punisher

I think its time for Marvel to finally just step down and allow DC Comics to produce their animated films for them because these things that come out are just terrible. Avengers Confidential: Black Widow & Punisher is like a lot of these straight to DVD movies by Marvel: they look incredible but once you get past that you're left with a weak ass story that makes Marvel writers come across as hyperactive teenagers that were given the reigns to make a movie.

What they do get right is the violence level used by Punisher. But after a few minutes of seeing him blow people apart you start to see why the films have done so badly. It becomes just a violent mess and pretty boring fast. They then introduce Black Widow who also does not have the strength to carry a film and now we have two messes. S.H.I.E.L.D then show up and ask Punisher to help them and blah blah blah more violence and characters I don't care about and a history between Black Widow and some lame ass guy who goes between being super fucking strong to being able to be hurt by Black Widow.