You Had One Job: Spiderman In The Avengers

This is me bitching about something that is completely out of my hands. And I'm drunk. So there has been a lot of talk about Sony finally releasing the rights to the Spiderman (spell if however the fuck you want) franchise and the character appearing in an Avenger film in the future. This needs to happen. Why? Because Spiderman is in the fucking Avengers, that's why! As far as I know, here is why Sony is cockblocking the release of the character.

Sony owns the rights to the guy. If they don't use it every three years or so they lose the rights and Marvel gets it back. They don't want that to happen so they are fine with putting out shitty movies like those last two. I can't believe that anyone watched those and enjoyed them, but whatever. Some people loved The Hangover. Sony/TheWalt Disney Company have lost characters before like Daredevil which is why there will be a series coming out on Netflix soon that I am excited about. They have also lost the use of Ghost Rider which I hope gets a reboot because that is a character that got me into comics in the first place.

Of course Sony had the first set of Spiderman films starring Tobey McGuire and directed by Sam Raimi. Some loved it, some hated it. I loved all three of them...well, maybe not the third one so much but I still liked it. Later there came the Andrew Garfield ones directed by Marc Webb where Peter Parker was a good looking asshole and the movies had none of the heart the previous ones or even the goddamned cartoon had. I'm allowed to call Peter a dick once, like, when he lets that guy who kills Uncle Ben get away. Spoiler alert. But in the last two films calling him a dick stayed in my head the entire time like that strange hum in England.

They were building the last film to make a Sinister Six film which when I heard I thought was a joke. Its a terrible idea considering they could barely keep a story straight starting with Peter. Plus, in all seriousness, the Sinister Six blow. I just like Sandman. They have a few more years to make something that doesn't suck and I believe they can do it if they start from scartch. That's right. Get rid of Garfield and anyone associated with those films and reboot the rebooted reboot.

Or...

Give it back to Marvel! Or better yet work with Marvel. I doubt that whoever is in charge of this decision, because it always boil down to one person in the end, is even a real fan of the characters. They just care about money. Of course they do. But sometimes it is better to be a hero. Imagine at the end of the next Avengers movie Spiderman is just lurking in the shadows. Robert Downey Jr. won't be around playing Iron Man in the next few years. Chris Evans thinks he is gonna retire from acting, so good bye Captain America. Jeremy Renner is older than you know. Most of that cast is gonna be gone. Bring in some new shit.

One of the biggest reasons why Sony has no real reason to release Spiderman is because those shit films still make a lot of money. On a budget of $200 million it has made $708,689,160. Why it cost that much I'll never know. But it should not have made that much. They know that no matter what they do people will see it because its Spiderman and you don't wanna be the one that doesn't see the one good new film.

I just wanna see Spidey hanging out with the rest of the Avengers. Its not much to ask. It would be like DC putting out that Justice League movie but leaving out Batman, Wonder Woman, or Superman. All I want is goddamn Spiderman in a goddamn Avengers movie. Fix it! By the way, I made all these images. I'm learning stuff! Just click to enlarge 'em.

Click here for previous You Had One Job.