The Review: Fahrenheit 451

Fahrenheit 451 (2/10)

This movie was butt which sucks because it stars two guys that I am a super fan of. I heard about this movie last year but after it came out heard no reviews or anything. So I went into this thinking it was gonna be a cool movie about books burning, lessons to learn from the pasts mistakes, and if anything really good acting. This turned out to be super bland. There was nothing spectacular about it. Every time someone spoke it was like the screen was saying “This is acting and you are watching a movie.” You know how powerfully bland your writing and directing has to be to conquer the powers of both Shannon and Jordan? By the way this Fahrenheit 451 movie is so different from the book there is no actual need to compare the two. I was able to watch this as just a movie and judge it based on that alone.

The Review: The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot

The Man Who Killed Hitler And Then The Bigfoot 8/10

Spoilerific. Last night I watched this movie The Man Who Killed Hitler And Then The Bigfoot based solely only the title. Well, that and I like the star of the movie. I figured that this would be a movie like Big Fish where this old guy would talk about the weird things he has done in his life and you would see that some of it was true and the other parts made up or like Bubba Ho Tep where it was real and no one believed him. Turns out that I was wrong on both fronts. This guy legit kills both Hitler and Bigfoot in his lifetime and it was pretty damned groovy.

The Review: Bad Times At El Royale

Bad Times At The El Royale 5/10

I watched the movie Bad Times At El Royale and it took me a little bit to figure out what kinda score I would give it. While watching I started to feel like it was taking too long to get really going and realized it was only about twenty minutes in. Then I thought “This feels like it was written and directed by the same person...” Turns out I was right. There is a certain feel that movies that have both and that feeling is usually a lack of editing, strange pacing, and being too long. This movie looks amazing. It was beautifully shot. The sound, the look, the acting were all good. But the pacing was all over the place. There were character arcs that were shown that I had figured out not because I am a clever bird but because it was pretty obvious. Priests are always bank robbers for real.

The Review: Good Omens

Good Omens 8/10

Over the weekend I checked out the new Amazon series Good Omens. This is the story of an angel and the demon who are both not that good at their jobs who over thousands of years become sorta friends and coworkers even though they have to keep their contact secret or else they will both face terrible ass consequences. That is the short version. The long version is that this show was really good, funny, and creative as fuck but it could have been weirder. I know that may sound strange for a show featuring hell zombies, asshole angels, aliens with duck bills, and the city of Atlantis rising. But it felt like the show was getting weirder and then got on track when it should've continued to be odd. The special effects were cheesy but in a good way that fit and I got the vibe of Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy while watching.

Sitting In The Aisle: Brightburn

Brightburn 9/10

Full of spoilers. I meant to see this new movie Brightburn last weekend but did not wanna deal with crowds of any sort over the holidays so I went and checked it out this morning. I remember seeing the trailer a while back and getting hype as fuck because it looked new and original. I thought it was an actual good looking Superman trailer until a woman yanked glass out her eye. This movie was far better than it had any right to be considering I only knew one name associated with it as well as the budget. This was a cool fucking movie. Not sure why it is not doing that well because I got way more than I expected. I legit had at least five jump scares. Not the new fake ones where suddenly the music gets loud but real “Oh, fuck me!” ones. If you are on the fence about seeing this based on reviews you have read or heard I suggest you pretend you can make your own decisions and go see this. We need more movies like this existing.

The Review: Game Of Thrones Season 8 Episode 6

Game Of Thrones Season 8 “The Iron Throne” 9/10

This is full of all the spoilers. I have been enjoying the shit out of this season. I know a lot of people are mad and want another season or a redo of this season. I grew up in a world where shows just disappeared with no goodbye so when I see all these people whining harder about this than how their own parents raised them to be such shit birds I get annoyed. Then I get entertained. I have gone on Twitter after this aired just to laugh at how upset people are about this. It is super entertaining for me. I have not read any of the books this series is based off of but I do know that dude ain't published one in damn near a decade. I find some information from the books useful that I read on the Game Of Thrones Wiki page and go “Oh, okay” and go about my life. But some people...damn. Some of you need to check your dosages. Keep your lists of question the show has to answer to make you happy. I get not liking something because it didn't turn out the way you wanted or expected. I call it my life. But if this show upsets you as much as people are acting just write something better.

The Review: Ready Player One

Ready Player One 1/10

This movie is garbage. Who liked this shit? I know when it came out some folks were hype like “I loved the book!” and others were like “80's stuff! I know 80's stuff!” So do I. I lived through the shit and I am not clamoring to have it redone or flashing on my screen. This movie had scenes that looked like I was watching a video game that would crash your computer. Just stuff. This movie was a lot of stuff moving on the screen. There is a simulated video game world that almost everyone plays because the real world is a dumpster fire and can straight up lose real world money. Why is this a movie plot? That is real life. This kid Wade Watts is the hero our world needs because...because reasons. He and millions of others are searching for three keys and an Easter egg and if they do they get all the money and control over the video game world.

Sitting In The Aisle: John Wick Chapter 3 Parabellum

John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum 10/10

This is gonna be full of spoilers. I fucking loved this movie. I liked but had some complaints about the first one and loved the second. I was hype as shit when I heard this one was coming out and avoided spoilers. I knew a horse would be involved because the trailer and a crazy ass motorcycle chase. I can not believe that after three movies I am still wanting to see more of this character. Hell, I made a Perler bead design of him a while ago. I went to see this at the AMC up on Sunset and the theater was quiet at first but started to get hype as the movie went on. But seriously. Those half hour worth of trailers and commercials is way too much. Now on to the review!

The Review: Game Of Thrones Season 8 Episode 5

Game Of Thrones Season 8 “The Bells”

This will be full of ALL THE SPOILERS! Full disclosure: I cursed a lot while watching this episode. I cursed along with characters. I cursed when they didn't but should have on account of what was happening. By the way, I know someone that is deep into reading what other folks have to say about this season and she will tell or show me the stuff. I gotta say...y'all are some toxic motherfuckers. Like, for real. Instead of disagreeing with the way a show is going you choose to say it is the worst thing ever as if there was a way it could've gone and pleased you. They are giving movie length episodes every week for six weeks and ending on a high note unlike most TV shows and yet a lot of you choose to shit on it. Varys is sitting down writing all of the juicy G about the fact that Jon should be running shit and not his potentially/confirmed this episode crazy auntie/girlfriend. A little girl lets him know that she ain't eating or anything. She hasn't even combed her hair since Missandei died.

The Review: Mommy Dead And Dearest

Mommy Dead And Dearest 8/10

When your own father suggests flushing your ashes down the toilet you know you have to be one of the most ain't shit humans to ever walk the planet. I just watched Mommy Dead And Dearest on HBO and my god it is nuts. I know that there is a series on Hulu but I ain't got time to be watching people pretend to be real folks when I can watch the actual people involved tell their story? By the way. The song during the credits? I get it. It has the name of the girl that this is about but seriously? That was super classless. This is about a girl named Gypsy Rose Blanchard who along with her boyfriend were charged for murdering her mother Dee Dee Blanchard. I had heard a little bit about this like the fact that the mom was pretending the daughter was sick for attention and money. What I did not know was that this little girl was now in her early 20's and that her mother had a whole laundry list of issues that she said her daughter had.

The Review: Game Of Thrones Season 8 Episode 4

Game Of Thrones Season 8 “The Last Of The Starks”

As always this will be full of spoilers. Oh, you sons of bitches! This episode had me on an emotional roller coaster. I was sad, happy, excited, sad again, happy, baffled as shit, and mad by the time the episode ended. Not for any bad reasons like the episode wasn't good. The episode was great and a really well paced follow up to the previous war filled one. But holy shit, HBO. This felt like meeting a hot chick and then she whispers “Hail Hydra...” in your ear. This starts off with the funeral for all who died during the battle against the Night King. I actually wondered how they would handle all those bodies considering I used to move corpses for a living. Christ, I have had some weird jobs. They show Jorah's body and Dany whispers something to him. Not sure what it was but it probably was something like “Wait till they see how fucking crazy I really am.” Seriously. I know her family 'nem. Them fuckers is wild! So they burn everyone, Jo gives a speech, and then they head inside to celebrate. Oh, and Ghost is alive. I know folks were more concerned about that wolf than anyone else.

The Review: Jonathan

Jonathan 8/10

Full of spoilers. I just finished watching this movie called Jonathan on Netflix. It came out last year and I've never even heard of it. This is one of those movies that you find on accident and end up really enjoying. I only checked it out because of the star of this. It starts with this guy leaving video messages and then watching them the next morning and going about his routine each day. It turns out that this is actually John and Jonathan, two brothers that share one body. How? Why? They get to that later. Try to find real scientific reasons why and your head will explode. Jonathan works as an architect. His exercises every day, goes to work, eats right, makes sure he is in bed for his brother John to enjoy his evening. Yeah. Jonathan has control from 7am to pm and John has it from 7pm to 7am. The video messages they leave are things like what they did, who they talked to, and if they need groceries or whatnot.

The Review: Game Of Thrones Season 8 Episode 3

Game Of Thrones Season 8 “The Long Night”

This is full of spoilers! Holy shit! I shouted that a whole lot while watching this. I thought I had enough of battles after watching Avengers: Endgame but apparently not. I sat here clenched for damn near an hour and a half watching this. Even before shit got cracking I was getting nervous because it was so quiet. The White Walkers don't scream and act crazy until they are told to so until then they are just standing there in the dark being creepy as shit. Just as I said out loud randomly “Where the fuck is the Blood Witch?” is she shows up. Melisandre walks up to the Dothraki and lights all their swords on fire. They get hype and charge off to go after the Walkers with Jorah leading the way. On and Dany are watching from the distance while Theon is with Bran waiting for the Night King to show up. Shit goes south fast as the flames from the swords start to slowly go out. Tense as shit scene!

Sitting In The Aisle: Avengers Endgame

Avengers Endgame 10/10

FULL OF ALL THE SPOILERS!!! I raced to see this because shit was spoiling it fast. I saw a poster with one of the characters and thought “Well, that's a thing I'll see. Thanks, punkass billboard!” It did not detract from my enjoyment of this movie. I checked the showtimes for this and it was either sold out or had seats right in front of the screen and fuck that nonsense. AMC Sunset shouldn't even have seats that close. I got a nice good seat. The theater was full and I was ready to get my Avengers Endgame on. This movie managed to wrap up over twenty films over the last ten years perfectly. I have no complaints other than bitchboy ones like wanting to see more of certain characters which was not possible since they got turned to damn dust during Infinity War. That movie left off on such a bummer so it made sense that this one started off the same.

The Review: Hap And Leonard Season 3

Hap And Leonard Season 3 (10/10)

Full of spoilers. The last episode of season three of Hap And Leonard had a scene so intense I pulled an ass muscle! After watching this I read that it was canceled and if I had any power over a station I would renew the fuck out of this show. Each season is six episodes at about 45 minutes and every single one has been great. This is one of those shows I tell people to watch and have to repeat the title. Maybe it is the channels it airs on originally. Maybe it is bad advertisement. Either way this is a series that way more people should have been watching and talking about. This season was somehow heavier than the previous two in tone (click here for season one and here for season two).